Severely unloved (replies would be appreciated)
for about two years now I’ve been suffering with depression, anxiety and PTSD. I was abused at the age of 11 which affected my wellbeing and teenage years. I’m turning 15 soon and I’m a freshmen in high school. My middle and high school are in the same exact building so I’ve known everyone for quite some time now, which exactly is the issue.
my ex friend group are the popular kids, I used to be with them. But due to changes in our personalities and likings they ended up leaving me in a pretty harmful way (by turning everyone against me, cyber bullying me and humiliating me consistently) and homophobic insults. my ex best friend who was apart of the group (I knew her for 8 years) also left me with them.
this year everyone got super close, going to hangouts and malls and each other’s houses often my ex best friend we will call her “H” she became one of the most popular girls in our year which she wasn’t before, she has boys all over her now and many friends. While on the other side im completely alone, crying in the stalls, sitting alone in the library during break, having to not attend school parties because I have no one to sit with and talk with. Im extremely lonely with only one friend who attends another nearby school.
i don’t have a significant other, I don’t have friends and im not really that close to my family. I have no one really, im on my own and im scared of being alone, I’ve developed abandonment issues and I can’t help but think of how unfair everything is. How come the people who caused me severe anxiety and trauma had gotten away with it and are happier with great reputations? What did I do wrong? Why am I so unloved? Why can I never seem to find anyone who really loves me, I feel like there’s something wrong with me and I feel like the most horrible/hated and intolerable person there is. I feel lost, I feel hopeless and everyday I give up more and more. It’s been 10 months since my friends dropped me, 10 months of complete loneliness, i some days in school don’t talk to a single person besides my teachers, it’s suffocating and isolating.
the way they dropped me by spreading rumours about me, having many people send me threats and insults, uninviting me from birthday parties and such really took a toll on me, I was afraid to even be left alone, or to even open my phone. I still deal with this fear today, I wake up with anxiety attacks everyday waking up to school.
I went to therapy and got 5 sessions, we don’t have much money so I cannot afford to go to more sessions tho I’d like to, I’m just done with myself and I’ve given up. I might start to take antidepressants soon. I haven’t had the best clean streak either.
thank you, replies would be appreciated
I'm sorry your struggling. I understand I have CPTSD too. Your going to therapy and taking antidepressants will help . Reaching out on 7 cups is great too. So many awesome people here.
Have you tried a listener? I have a few here and they really helped me a lot.
Your really strong and brave and I admire you. Keep reaching out for help . Your on the right path.
ABB 💜
None of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong to cause any of this.
Antidepressants can help but it is going to go better if you are talking to someone. I know that might not be possible right now financially, but do try to establish people (adults) that you can go to in an emergency.
You can try talking here a bit. Any relief valve that you can establish is good. It might be really good to come back here every night and just say how that particular day went. The more that you can think about the present rather than the past (or worries about the future) the easier it is to work through some of the emotions.
I promise to attempt to write back once a day as often as I can.
So how was your day today?@Taintedrose112
@Taintedrose112
You are not alone ...... frankly this has happened throughout time ... as people grow from a small circle in early in school to big groups and people ........... as we progress jr high , high school and even college..... and YES, even in workplaces this can happen.
Friends we had may take a different path and in school the clique culture of being with the cool kids has broken more friendships then i can imagine.
Someday your former friend will see her decision......... to say bad things about you to impress her NEW friends etc shows a character flaw in her not you.
it is a choice to let these mean people weigh you down or to just move on......
when people do junk to us like this ..... why do so many of us punish ourselves for their misdeeds ............ It takes time and effort but there are good people who do not play the clique games who judge a person on reality not rumors......... most likely not the "cool" kids as i found most of them to be superficial and being that way made them liars as well.