So beyond frustrated right now
So my husband gets on my butt about a lot of things, and I have just grown so tired of it. Tonight he was on it because I am off work for a short period of time due to a health issue (my doctors orders). My husband thinks this is completely unfair to him because he still has to go to work and in his words “Why do you just get to sit home”. Well yeah, because I totally asked to have a health issue hit me like a ton of bricks! 🙄 Well I didn’t sit there and scream at him while I had to work and he was off work for a week due to getting injured. He has that mindset that I will be doing absolutely nothing while I am home, which is absolutely insane. Whenever I have a day off work, I am always doing something- running errands, paying bills, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. I don’t ever just sit on my butt like he thinks I do. I’m the only one who does everything in this house. I rarely get help from him. I’m worn out and exhausted. I don’t get barely any time to myself, but he gets his time. He always makes me out to look like the bad guy, and I am so completely frustrated with this. He was rude with me earlier and cut me off when I was talking. I told him he needed to stop, and his reply? “That’s how I am, if you don’t like it, just divorce me”. WTF kind of b.s. is that?! So instead of being nice, you just wanna use the fact that you know that’s how you are as a person and you would rather me leave than change yourself and learn how to NOT be rude to me?! Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off leaving rather than staying. He has gotten me so down in the dumps that I am just not myself anymore. I HATE that he is like this, but he got it from both of his parents. They are both extremely rude and don’t know how to treat people. I’ve been with him for a long time and we do have kids. It’s hard to deal with. Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to not have to deal with someone who is rude or mean to me. It’s not all the time, but once is more than enough and out of line. And then of course, he brings up the past of stuff he did, and when I reply he asks me if I will ever let him live it down. Well, you brought it up first of all. Second of all, you broke my heart into a million pieces. How do you expect me to just ever really “forget” it or get it out of my head?! 😓
@ConcernedWife2017
never ceases to amaze me that many men are the SAME.... my spouse could be your husband .....sounds exactly like him....
Insane they can not see the dishes do not do themselves food does not get put together by itself ... etc etc ...... you are off work for a valid reason and most likely should be taking it easy not working at home... when they start "this is how i am " lines etc just decide what YOUR plan is .... roommates for the kids .... get a complete breakdown of finances and make a good plan do not expect a civil work around
I’m sorry you too deal with this. It’s so frustrating. I just want to scream sometimes. I get made to feel like I’m worthless sometimes. I’m just tired of him thinking I do nothing. I bust my butt and always have.
It sounds like you need a break from him at a bare minimum before he wrecks your mental health and the mental health of your children permanently. Can you use portions of your time off to start planning out what leaving (at least for a bit) would look like?@ConcernedWife2017
@bestVase7265
Our children don’t see this or hear it, thank god. It was done in private. I’ve left before because of certain things that went on. It didn’t change everything. Some things, it did. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve lived without him before when I left and I felt empty. He’s been a big part of my life because I have been with him for a long time. I do know that I need to do something about it though because I can’t continue to live and feel like this. It’s his mindset. He got this way from being around 2 toxic parents. It sucks. Hoping he can overcome that mindset.
It doesn't sound stupid at all. It is all about creating that balance between allowing him to heal and become a better person and not letting yourself get hurt in the process. Relationships are never simple.
Part of the healing for you is finding spots where you can feel as though you can breathe and do your own thing. Do you have any of those?@ConcernedWife2017
@bestVase7265
Definitely not easy at all. Every relationship takes work. It just sucks that is easier for some than others.
I have days where I am off work and he is not, so on those days after I do what needs to be done (chores, errands, cooking, etc), I try to relax. I will listen to music, read a book, play a game, talk a walk, exercise, and so on. I used to go out for girls nights, but I don’t do much of that any more. A lot of people always seem to be too busy to go, so I just do things at home. Sometimes I will go out shopping as well. Just depends on what I am in the mood to do.
Remind yourself that all relationships look better from the outside than they are when you look deeper. And every relationship has jaw-dropping bumps that can be hard to overcome. And lots of times things look like they are solved and then they come back in a new form. This is coming from someone who has been married 26 years.
It sounds like you have some good ways of coping. I especially like getting outside myself, but everyone is different.
How have things been between the two of you lately?@ConcernedWife2017
@bestVase7265
Yes. It’s definitely different for every relationship. Not a single relationship is perfect. There is no such thing. At times, I considered mine close enough to perfect. Things became different. I know a lot of every day stresses don’t help sometimes either. I’ve been in my relationship for 20 years and married for 15 of those.
I love going outside. Seeing things out in nature usually will bring a feeling of peace.
Things have actually been a little better with us. He still has been on me about some stuff though.
I think that I would struggle if my husband was on me about stuff too. That can always be challenging. My usual relationship struggle is more in terms of giving him the house he wants rather than the one that I do. Our latest challenge is windows. We just got some new ones which made everything so much brighter. He likes to live in a cave because of privacy concerns in particular. At first he seemed to like the light but now he wants it dark again. So we will put up blinds again tomorrow. Sigh.
