Today I got out of bed and that was a major victory
I am struggling with a lot of stressful situations. I'm going back to school and I'm moving and I will need to find a job once I move. It's major life upheaval. And in between all those major things are smaller bumps that aren't easy for me to deal with. I'm dealing with them, but not always well. I need to keep pushing myself to get through them. And then I lay myself back down in bed again. I'm trying to hold it together. I think I am. I'm showing up when I need to. I'm keeping up appearances when I need to. But that sometimes feels like a thin veneer covering a deep chasm of stress and just dragging myself around. I keep hoping my boss at the library where I volunteer doesn't ask too many questions. Luckily, she doesn't seem like she is comfortable talking with people--luckily for me, but I feel bad for her. I go in to work and can't wait to rush out of there when my shift ends, before anyone gets a chance to ask me how I'm doing. Thanks for listening.
@purpleTree4652
It's great to hear that you are still showing up when you need to and keeping up appearances, even though it might feel like a struggle sometimes. You are doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask of you.💜
@innateJoy9602
Thank you, Joy. I need to hear that people can only expect me to do my best. That made me take a deep breath of relief.
That you are dealing with bumps at all is a victory. Moving and such is going to be a bit stressful. But you can find yourself and get settled again. And you are doing that because you keep doing what you need to do. You should be very proud of all that you are accomplishing in spite of the mental illness stuff. It really is major. You do it all one day at a time. I believe in you. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Thank you, Vase. That means a lot that you believe in me.
I hope that you had a successful day where you moved forward a bit! @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Thanks, Vase. I did. Last year when I thought I was moving with my birth family, I ordered moving supplies. I never used them. I've had them behind my bed. So today I got the boxes full of boxes unpacked. That was a major move, because my cat Chloe had become fond of sleeping on the big boxes and playing on them. So today I removed what was a comfort for her. That is big for me, because of my ptsd. (It's a long complicated story. If you want, I'll explain it to you, someday.) Keeping her comfortable and happy and healthy is of paramount importance to me. So one of my tasks through this move is to keep her as unafraid as possible. She is the blood of my heart.
Anyway, I wanted to get at those moving supplies to push myself to get started.
xo, D.
That is a really nice step forward. You did something for you and your future.
I can imagine how hard that is with the PTSD. I can easily understand how important that your cat can be. But I bet she will also like the boxes filled or partially filled too. Cats are naturally curious and like new things to explore. So you are creating something that she will enjoy rather than taking apart something that she liked to sit on. You are improving her life and yours at the same time.@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Thanks, Vase. I was hoping I would hear from you today for more encouraging words. I don't want you to feel like you need to keep propping me up, though. It could wear you out.
Cats don't like change, but I am trying to make it fun for her. It was a good try of you to say that she would like filled and partially filled boxes, though. ;) I kept one of the big boxes, that the moving kit came in, and laid it on the floor. She has been having fun in it. She's very smart. I roll a ball in to her and she hits it and rolls it back out to me. I roll it back in and she bats it back out. She likes that.
Coming on each night and sharing with people almost never wears me out. It helps me to keep my own positive thoughts going. So never feel guilty about sharing. I am fine.
You are right about cats dreading change on some level but they are also quite adaptable. I can remember when the last hurricane was due to hit and I was freaking out. I happened to have a therapy appointment that day where I mentioned how bothered I was by the fact that the cats were hiding. My therapist reminded me to focus on me and the people around me. Cats do like routines but they have fairly short memories overall. It also sounds like you are moving fairly slowly so that adapts your cat in a much more fun way. The cat is probably seeing the new as something good because they like boxes so much.
@bestVase7265
Thank you, Vase. You're an amazing person to give so much of yourself and have it be an energizing experience for you. We need more people like you.
What kind of cats do you have? Have you ever posted pics off them? I'd love to see them. 
This is Chloe. It's an old pic but it captures her sassiness. I took this pic right after she ate a mouse. Then she laid down and slept.
My day didn't bring the best news. I was driving to the library for my volunteer shift. I was running late because I put the library address in my phone backwards. Instead of saying I was going to the library, I entered that I wanted directions from the library to my apartment. It kept wanting me to make a U turn. I didn't understand why, but my gps takes into account bad traffic and road closures, so I thought it knew best. I was about to turn around. But I wanted to see why I was being headed in the opposite direction, so I looked closely at what was happening and why and figured out what was wrong. Just that made me 5 to 10 minutes later than I would have been. I called the library and find out that my boss left me a voicemail not to come in today because they don't have a copy of my background check clearing.
This pisses me off. First, my phone didn't tell me I missed their call. My phone isn't the most reliable. So that is a learning lesson. any time I have an appointment, I need to check my phone for voicemails whether my phone says I have one or not. Second, my boss at the library doesn't treat my life as if it matters much. She told me one week ago that she didn't have a copy of my background check. I reminded her that right before I started at the library, she is the one who called me to say that she was notified of my background check clearing. A woman from the Jacksonville Public Library, head branch, Tatyana, emailed my boss, Carolyn to let her know about my clearance. My boss told me, ok, great, I'm glad you reminded me of that. I try to find the email and call Tatyana.
So, today, when I was driving to the library and was close, and saw that I wasn't going to make up the 5 to 10 min late that I was, I called the library and got Carolyn on the phone. She tells me that every day in the past week hasn't been long enough for her, so I can't come in to work until she finds out about my background check.
This is the second time she has given me that bullsh*t about every day not being long enough for her and her just not having the time to do something important that effects me. The first time it was regarding a letter of recommendation for the U of Bama. I let that go because I hadn't been working there long and thought I might have been asking too much anyway.
When I got home, I checked the voicemail and my boss, Carolyn, is telling me that I didn't get a background check, and she needs to get that paperwork to me so I can get a background check.
I did get a background check. It was a pain in the ***. I had to go into downtown Jax, which is a pit, and like spaghetti to navigate.
She could have told me when I talked to her today and said I would be 5 to 10 min late, that I can come in for the paperwork to get a background check. But, nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooo. So now I will have to make the long drive back to the library to get the paperwork and drive into downtown Jax, unless Tatyana comes through for me.
I called Tatyana and got her voicemail. I told her what is going on and asked her to call me or Carolyn. Tatyana seems to have it together, so I think she'll be able to help.
The problem is how long it takes them to do a background check because I won't be working there much longer before I move. I could see them thinking it isn't worth doing a background check on me to only work there a few more times. Plus they're f'in up my resume. I've been including my volunteer work on my resume. (heavy sigh)
And that isn't all. Social security sent me a big old form, with pages and pages that I have to fill out showing how much I earned each week beginning from January 1, 2022 through now. I have 15 days to get the form back to them. And I never got paycheck stubs from Wendy's. And social security always threatens to kick me off disability. I hate that. They are handling mental patients and they threaten them with no more financial assistance. I can't wait until I don't have to be afraid off them anymore.
How was your day? :)
I so want time to respond to all of this. Unluckily my day was equally crazy and tomorrow will be more of the same. I will try to get to it during the day tomorrow or Friday. I am so sorry.@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
No problem, Vase. I read in the 'ongoing support' posts about your day and week. I hope your son has a great performance.
Here is an update on the library boss. I called the head office and told them what is going on. I'm sure they called my library boss today and told her about the email they said when my clearance went through. I'm sure of this because my boss called me today and said "I managed to relocate the email about your clearance going through." Yeah, right! She relocated it because the head office shoved it up her nose. lol
But more unfortunate news today. My move is going to cost me twice what I thought it would. And I have to find a new mechanic because the place where I bought the car doesn't want to work on it. I hate carmax.
Take care.
Well at least you got one thing somewhat settled. Sorry about the move issue. Cars can go bad at any point. Do you know of other mechanics who can work on it?
I should be able to be back on more regularly now. My husband is getting my son from the competition tonight and tomorrow should be earlier. I am however still dealing with a nasty headache that is making typing more complicated. So I apologize if I don't make much sense at this point. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
It's ok, Vase. You take care of yourself first.
As I said in my other post, I am fine. How are things for you today?@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
I couldn't deal with life too much today. I did the bare minimum and stayed in bed the rest of the day. I didn't have anything major on my list today. I put most off until tomorrow.
I am taking my car to a different dealership on wednesday.
The man who they put in charge of my move acts like he is drunk or has the starting stages of dementia. I feel bad for him. So I asked if they can switch me to a woman who works there and who has already helped the guy out once for my move. If they say no, I think I am switching movers.
@bestVase7265
I have to register for classes on the 27th at the U of A. I'm a little nervous about that. I haven't even spoken to my advisor yet. I need to look up their name right now.
You dealt with little bits today. That is enough. The move part is going to work itself out.
For classes, usually the first semester of any program is pretty general because they know that you won't know enough yet to make firm decisions. So look for those very basic course offerings. You might be able to find a class schedule where they give days and times. How many courses do you take? @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
I'm going to start with 2 classes.
So that is perfect. The first two classes are usually basic ones that everyone has to take. You don't have to do much selecting. All you have to do is figure out what they are supposed to be. Looking in the school catalogue or on the website should help.
You can do this. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Oh my gosh, Vase. I'm so tired. I am dealing with moving, my car, the U of A, the U of M, and everything else in between.
I can't wait until the move is over.
I can totally feel that exhaustion. Moving is really hard. But you are doing it a step at a time. Congratulate yourself for each little step that you take.
You are going to find a way to get more settled again. Rest when you can without feeling guilty about it. @purpleTree4652
@purpleTree4652 I know that living in a completely new place and being forced to leave the way of life is anxious and disturbing. I'm glad to hear that you have found a job that suits you. I think your troubles will be resolved with time, and before that, I hope you can find what you like in this new place.
@lexydong
Hi, Dong,
I only have a volunteer job in the city I am leaving. I will look for a new job in the new city.
I am making my way through life all alone. That is the hard part. If I had someone to help me, it would be tremendously easier. Plus I have PTSD and clinical depression, and on top of that I have social anxiety and other conditions that have not been diagnosed. So life isn't easy on the best of days for me.
Thank you for checking in.
Love and blessings.
@purpleTree4652
I know I'm a bit late to seeing this but it just now appeared. That sounds like a lot, and quite stressful too. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this right now and I hope it gets better! If you'd like anyone to talk to about anything at all feel free to reach out to me in pms at any time. P.S I hope you have a lovely day! <3
@Adoringpanda3708
Hi, Panda,
It's frustrating how posts sometimes appear so late.
It is a lot and very stressful.
Are you a listener? I'd love to talk.
Thanks so much for the support and offer.
--tree
@purpleTree4652
Yes, it can be very frustrating. I am a listener and would be up to talking any time you'd like : )
@Adoringpanda3708
I can't find you in the listeners. I searched on adoring, adoringpanda, and adoringpanda3708. Do you have another name?
Thanks.
@purpleTree4652
No, but if you'd like to just put in a chat request and put in the text box my name then I can just accept the request that way :)
@Adoringpanda3708
I'm sorry I didn't respond to this. I didn't see it until today, which is 3 days after you posted it.
I don't know how to put in a chat request with a specific listener. I tried again browsing for a listener with your name and you didn't come up in the listeners.
Thanks anyway.
relatable... I've had more than a few days like that.
Every victory is worth celebrating.
@slowdecline48
I think it is, too.
My therapist doesn't want me to make a habit of resting/sleeping long hours. I disagree with her. I think that if that gets me through the days I have lots of work to do, then it's what I need.
How are you doing?
Eh, could be worse, could be much better... Had some bad flareups over almost a week & a half (my main chronic illness) & didn't get a lot done. My received laundry is still in a pile on one corner of my bed...I might have to wash it again.
Finally got through that bad spell about three days ago. Now I'm doing online stuff & preparing for the great Bleeding Ritual on next month, a.k.a. "tax time". Managed to get a few sketches done & I uploaded two to the hobby journal here.
@slowdecline48
I'm sorry to hear you are chronically ill. I have a couple chronic illnesses, too. They are draining.
I want to see your sketches. I'm going to try to find them.
@slowdecline48
I'm clueless sometimes. How do I find the journal with your sketches? Thanks.
I appreciate the thoughts.
If you want to look at my chicken scratching, you can do it here.
If you feel like browsing, please click the "next page" button or at least "2"...a few of us here have hobby journals. One thing I've noticed is that most people don't look beyond the first page. (Some people don't even look beyond the first piece! I blame *** for that) My main thread goes for just over two pages & I've posted quite a few items.
@slowdecline48
Hi, 48,
You're talented. Thanks for the link. You're in Jax. So am I. :) But I'm leaving soon. The 4th of May if all goes well. hahahahahahahahaha
@purpleTree4652
No worries, but I think the reason you're not able to find me is maybe it's because I'm a teen listener and you're an adult? If that's not it then I'm not completely sure.
@Adoringpanda3708
Oh, I'll bet that's it. The system is keeping up separated.
@purpleTree4652
Yeah I didn't really think about that until you said you weren't able to find me and then it was kind of like an oh yeah duh moment but also I wasn't really sure 100$ how that worked
