When people knock you down, and you’ve never been able to secure the roots to weather the storm
When I’m not busy doing all the life things I need to be doing, I spend the majority of my thoughts on fixing my mental health. I’m always reading, trying new techniques, making changes. Maybe I’ve made some progress, maybe I’m still struggling with many of the same issues.
I have a background with a lot of traumatic events throughout my life. I don’t need to get into those here. I just have a lot of healing work to do, and at the same time dealing with a lot of current life stress that prevents me from properly healing.
Anyway, recently I tried opening up to someone who has known me a little while. They told me that they don’t understand why I’m depressed, I have a great life. And then they told me it doesn’t seem like I’m trying.
I haven’t really known what to do with this information. But something in me shut down. Now I don’t want to get out of bed. I want to go somewhere and hide and never come back out. But I have kids I love, thank God they are not here today, and I would want to come back out for them. But I feel like, I think I’ve had enough of the rest of the world. I just feel done, the oven timer went off, I’m overcooked.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I am proud of all the steps you're taking for your healing and the progress you've made<3
A gentle reminder for you - Gold doesn't lose its worth because it's scratched. And neither do we. The tools we reach for are not the treasure. You are :) They are the polish not the gold.
I'm so sorry that person didn't understand<3 It's okay to feel hurt, it's okay to be upset. Not everyone can hold the weight of our pain, especially if their world never made space for it. Some people only see the sun and can't imagine what it feels like to live in the cold dark.
Their misunderstanding is not your weight to carry<3 Don't let their words breach your boat, you've built it strong and there's still wind in your sails.
@BlueDarkAurora You said this so beautifully. ❤️
@mytwistedsoul 🥰
Thank you Twist. ❤️
I don’t need to make them understand. You’re right. Why have I felt like that is my job? No one has had to try super hard to make me feel for someone, why would I think I could do that? It sort of seems like someone should just either do that on their own, or they don’t. Maybe. My mind just went blank.
Thank you for being here for me, like always.
I’m so blessed. 😭
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I think this is something that many of us do. We explain and over explain because we desperately want to be understood and validated. I think wanting those things is normal.
@mytwistedsoul What do you mean in that last sentence, Twist? I hope you don’t mean with me, I have found you to be very kind, thoughtful and loving.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Oh no not with you at all! I apologize, it was a thought I had at the time I was replying. I guess my fingers and brain decided to share here. No, that was a few years ago.
@mytwistedsoul Please don’t apologize, I’m glad you shared here! I was trying to ask if you wanted to talk about it more without seeming pushy at the same time. I share so much everywhere all the time, it makes me feel better when I get to support you too. ❤️
@BlueDarkAurora You are like my personal cheerleader. 🥰 I know it’s not just me though, you are such a beautiful presence to so many here. In all seriousness, I can’t tell you want it means to see your name pop up on one of my posts. You’re so good to me, and I don’t really know what I’ve done to deserve that.
Ok! I meant to say thank you for being proud of me! You see this progress in me that I don’t see in myself. But I know that you don’t say things lightly, so I take what you say and mull it over and over, telling myself my wise friend really believes in me, and it really does something for my heart. It helps me not feel alone.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas You have my permission xD You being here is enough :)<3
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
You just need a little time with yourself.
Sit down and write on paper all the mistakes you made during your last setback — and why you didn’t accomplish what you wanted.
The real mistake isn’t failing once, but repeating the same mistakes over and over.
Wishing you a better life.
@karbounay Thank you. ❤️ There is something to this, spending time alone. I am alone a lot, but recently I have also been feeling like I want to run away and hide for a long time. That does tell me I need to spend more Quality time with myself. Sometimes though I am alone I try to do things to pretend I am not. I don’t truly give myself the time I need.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I get you. I’m in the same situation, always alone. But spending time with yourself isn’t just about being alone. It’s about understanding your mind, both mentally and emotionally. It’s about building a personal philosophy, something only you truly get, a sign between you and yourself. And learning to be kind to your body too.
In the end, I think neither you, me, nor anyone else can truly grow just from others’ advice. The real change happens when you understand things for yourself. You are the only one who can truly help you. Feeling down or needing alone time isn’t a sickness. It’s a pause your mind takes before starting something new, like your streak.
Forget what others think. I did. Start listening to your own mind every day.
And if you don’t have a goal yet, make your first goal finding a goal. Then start working on it, even in small steps. Simple and doable.
@karbounay Thank you. ❤️ I understand what you’re saying completely. Many years ago I had reached a good place for a time, where I was alone, spending good quality time with myself, my mind was quiet, and I felt peaceful. I can remember what it was like, and with that vision in my mind I feel more hopeful to get there again.
It’s funny you mentioned goals, I just came up with 5 to focus around my life. The 1st one is the most crucial and immediate, and it is to be kinder to myself. I think I have been too focused on how others treat me, hoping for something from them to fill gaps in my life. I know I shouldn’t have been doing that logically, but sometimes we feel that pull without realizing. As you said, I need to shift my focus. I think I’ve finally gotten to a point where people have been so ugly that I am forced to do right by me.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Yeah, some people can be really mean. Just forget about them. If anyone tries to judge you, say it in your head:
"That person is ugly... Sorry, I can't hear what you said."
I’ve felt the same way when people judged me negatively. I used to remind myself:
"At least I’m not like you..."
No one is perfect, but true perfection is understanding yourself.
I also like writing little quotes to inspire myself. Here are a few I made:
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"The real mistake isn’t making one, it’s repeating the same mistake over and over."
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"If you don’t have a goal, make your first goal finding one."
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"Doing 1% of something every day for 100 days is way better than doing 100% in one day."