bcoz i adore poetry and have been writing ever since i was 8

True joy is a ghost I've barely even held in my hand
It's a mere rumour I may never understand
I can't tell what that feeling entails
For my recollection always, always fails
When I try to remember in my head
The last smile, not chained to guilt and dread
The last spark that didn't die in my chest
Before shame arrived as an unwelcome guest
It's like constantly chasing the ghost through this incessant haze
With no shape, no voice, no guiding phrase
And I don’t know if the initial smile means a thing at all
When it’s followed by the crash, the inevitable fall
And I may never know or understand
For true joy is a ghost I've barely even held in my hand