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deetz
1 175 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes18 Current upvotes18 Age GroupTeen Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 30, 2025
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if to be known is to be loved, i guess im a stranger
Depression Support / by deetz
Last post
 November 30th, 2025
...See more i feel so very sad and discouraged all the time...i've lost all that willpower i once had. it was one of the few things i prided myself on, and one of the few things that kept me going...now i wish to do nothing - not eat, not sleep, not watch *** reels, not read books, not play guitar, not study or even move... and i feel so *** unloved and unsupported all the time. nobodys there when i need them yet they still have the audacity to call themselves my family/friends... "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb." well what happens when every single frnd u make is no better than ur family? when, no matter how many boundaries u set, how many frndships u break, the same thing keeps happening? i hate the feeling of loneliness... i hate feeling like if i left the world, that no one wud miss me, that many - true to their words -, including several ex-frnds and my mother, wud even rejoice. i want to rlly know someone...and i want them to rlly know me...to love even the ugliest, rawest parts of me...but every single relation i have has failed to do so, and looking at this success rate, i might deem it impossible... at least, for me... it has, quite rightly, been said- to be known is to be loved...and for my part, im inclined to believe i have never truly been known at all:(
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soo apparently im a disgrace to female empowerment:(
Trauma Support / by deetz
Last post
 October 5th, 2025
...See more It's funny how i can brave through times much tougher yet somehow this trivial incident left me so adversely affected....  My mother is abusive - both physically and emotionally - and, although most people are, im no stranger to the fact.  Our school is hosting its very first youth parliament and im so very proud to say that im a part of the core as the director of design:) mum ofc can't say the same for shr discouraged me every step of the way, going as far as talking to my teachers to forbid me from doing any extracurriculars so that i cud focus on my studies... However, she's an extremely early sleeper so i dedicate the few hours till 12am to working on them which is how I've been able to keep up on my extracurriculars... She still thinks im studying after she sleeps, which has been the reason for many a beating:( Despite her best attempts, the youth parliament session is on Wednesday and Thursday and im going.... Obv we're gonna be wearing Indian formals and as i was picking my outfit, she stormed in, insulting me. She proceeded to compare me with my cousins who are "far more successful than me" (they're not and anyway they have better parents, MOTHER), body shame me by calling me fat (she likes to say it js coz i have a larger bust and she knows im insecure abt it) and tell me im a disgrace to. Female empowerment and I'd be better off unaliving myself. And for some reason this encounter stung more than the others. She's said similar things to me before and i thought I'd gotten quite used to it... Apparently not:( I love hobbies in general... I wanna try everything, so im the head of graphic design at our school newspaper, my best friend and i opened an *** org together to educate ppl abt stuff they'll use in the real world, and i publish a book of my poetry every year (a series im yet to tell my parents abt)... Ugh im not sure whats going on with me... I mean 15 years of living with her abd i haven't learned a damned thing:( Maybe i feel unappreciated by mum... Idk her POV rlly so i dont wanna judge but like i js wanted to be a kid... And ik a lot of its not related to the stream i wanna take (PCM+CS) but i enjoy it and i get exposure so why cudnt she js support me for once? 🥺
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bcoz i adore poetry and have been writing ever since i was 8
Depression Support / by deetz
Last post
 October 3rd, 2025
...See more True joy is a ghost I've barely even held in my hand It's a mere rumour I may never understand I can't tell what that feeling entails For my recollection always, always fails When I try to remember in my head The last smile, not chained to guilt and dread The last spark that didn't die in my chest Before shame arrived as an unwelcome guest It's like constantly chasing the ghost through this incessant haze With no shape, no voice, no guiding phrase And I don’t know if the initial smile means a thing at all When it’s followed by the crash, the inevitable fall And I may never know or understand For true joy is a ghost I've barely even held in my hand
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i need help... well technically my mum does:(
Trauma Support / by deetz
Last post
 October 10th, 2025
...See more my mother shes always been like this, for as long as ive known her but its defi exacerbated over the years... i think i was 7, the first time she said it to me... i hadnt studied for half an hour, and she was in a bad mood.. she told me to jump off the balcony and do the world a favour by getting rid of a useless waste of space... after that it only got worse... it kept compounding, with her saying even meaner things, hitting me harder too... now i am fifteen, clueless abt how ive come this far... bcoz im in 10th (im indian so i have extremely important exams this year), im being pressurized to such an extent and i genuinely cant study bro i have mini panic attacks every time i open my science book and im scared.
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