debating autonomy
i’ve been struggling with some deep existential depression. i don’t feel sad really but i think if you really don’t want to live, you shouldn’t have to. the general rule is that people who claim they don’t want to live are “not in the right headspace to make that decision”, but at what point are you in the right headspace? it doesn’t exist, because a good doctor wouldn’t allow a healthy person to die. biologically you shouldn’t, like your body works reaaally hard to keep itself alive all the time. but at the same time i feel like we were never meant to be where we are now, eating trash in shitville. the basic fundamentals of living feel so irrelevant in the noise we created ourselves and the life i want to live does not exist. there’s no way to escape the mundane… i mean i could think of one option, but nobody likes that option.
you say you’re not happy with what you’re served and you are strapped to that dinner table and forced to finish it. therapists will ask me things like, “what would make the next 24 hours easier for you?” and it sounds to me like “what sort of juice would make the everclear go down smoother?”. i don’t live a hard life at all. i just live and wish someone else could do it for me. i wish they could offer MAID to people who are serious. i wish i could go back to before i was born and savor not being anything at all for just a moment longer.
@sidyphus
Dear Beloved,
Many people who struggle with existential depression find themselves questioning the purpose of life, the nature of existence, and whether life is worth continuing. These questions can feel overwhelming, especially when nothing seems to provide satisfying answers.
It can also be frustrating when advice feels too small compared to the depth of what you are experiencing. Depression can affect the way we experience meaning, hope, pleasure, and possibility, making life appear emptier than it may actually be.
Please do not try to solve all of life's questions by yourself or all at once. It can place a heavy burden on your mind, especially when you are already struggling. Focus on getting through one day at a time and taking small steps forward.
Stay connected to people who understand and support you. You do not have to carry these thoughts alone. Consider speaking openly with a mental health professional if these feelings continue to weigh heavily on you.
Healing is possible.
@sidyphus I used to have a lot of the same thoughts, and you're just about where I ended up finding my resolution.
There's a difference between what nature wants of us and what the human ideal is. Nature would rather us act like animals, and some people do. But as humans in a "society," we've made something a little different than the communities of animals. We have a conscience, meaning that we have the ability to look back and be ashamed of our actions.
The way I see it, biologically yeah the body does a LOT to keep us alive. But that's only one side of that difference. On the other is a question: what kind of society could you look back on and say, "I'm proud of that?" For some that may be allowing death, for others it's never allowing it. Most people probably land somewhere in between. Conscience is subjective, we'll never fully agree on what's right. But we CAN do our best to make sure that when our descendants look back at us, they'll say "I'm not ashamed of where I came from."
That all said existential depression is a drag 🙄 don't know how old you are, if you're in the teen age bracket feel free to reach out to me! Otherwise you seem smart enough to figure this out 💙 I'm confident you can find your way to resolution.
thank you for your kind words and wisdom ❤️ i’m 20. too old to be a teen but too inexperienced to be an adult by a landslide 😬 an unfortunate time for sure
@sidyphus hey, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Meaning… a need for meaning… It’s a strange thing. Most people is afraid of death. While some of us wonder why to live… what for… well, I think I decided that I might not be able to fix the whole world but maybe I can make a difference for a few people.
Also the intriguing part is that connecting with the right people can bring actual joy. Finding allies in a shared cause or experience even for short time. I am not sure if this makes much sense. I feel I don’t have it figured well enough to express it better…
