feeling really lost, sad, no clue on how to get out of this pickle
Hello 7cups nation, how y'all doing?
I truly hope you're all doing a lot better than me. I'm in a bit of a pickle (a small pickle but to me it feels gigantic) and I've no idea on how to make my way out. Earlier today, I cried (uncontrollably) out of nowhere as I was on my way back home in the car. I've felt terrible ever since. My dad had asked me what my plans are for when I graduate and right now, I'm just clueless. I've been cluelessly wandering about life for the last few years (basically once I graduated high school) cause I think I'm too afraid to confront very suppressed truths.
But what's worse is I feel so lost, and three years ago when I finished senior high, I did not think this is where I'd be in life three years later. To be completely honest, I have never been very ambitious. I dream a lot, but I never have a specific plan, if I do make one, I can't ever stick to it. I feel like I've always had so much potential for a lot of things, but I always fail to live up to it. I never hit that high point of success where I feel accomplished. And it is extremely (!!!) painful to see others my age doing so much better than me. I understand nothing good comes out of comparing myself to others but we live in a world in which we're taught to form our "dreams" around the accomplishments of other people, so we're made to inherently believe our own dreams, before others' dreams became known to us, are worthless and useless.
(trigger warning: potential su****** ideation ahead so please skip the following paragraph if you're sensitive to that topic. I'm not in a crisis so no need to worry too much about me)
When I was crying in the car, I realized I absolutely adore dreaming. Every time I'm awake I miss sleep because of how comforting it is to be in my own dream world. It's the one place I get to be in in which I don't feel the way I do when I'm conscious. It's like I'm d*** and every time I wake up or become undead, it feels like I'm back in this horrible state I just don't want to be a part of. And I barely enjoy anything of this world. There's so much of this world that I just do not like. I know being grateful for what I do have is very important, but when you take off those rose colored glasses for a second, you see just how awful this place really is. I don't want to settle for an awful reality. I think the majority of my point of view has to do with money. I hate money, I despise it, I've never cared about money. Once money is involved with something, I suddenly find it awful. It becomes evil, mundane, boring, like another meaningless chore. My dreams? Those are NOT useless nor worthless. Those dreams are freaking amazing. But the global dream of earning money, having steady income, fighting for yourself and not caring too much if others around you are dying? That is the lamest and most disturbing dream I've ever heard of. But it's the only dream that is deemed worth our time. This world revolves around money. I have no choice but to accept that, and so I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to d*e, but I just don't want to live. Or I'm scared to live. I wish I could survive on nothing but air and stay in an infinite dream. That's what I want. Everything else feels rotten, spoiled, like it sucks. Even things that everyone seems to enjoy, I just don't.
And so, now that I've written these thoughts down, I don't even know what to do. I don't know where I should go to create my purpose of being in this world. I don't know what I should do with my life, even less what degree to graduate with. And the clock is ticking and all these expectations and responsibilities are piling up to a point where it's all kind of crumbling down already. It makes me so sad when I envision my younger self, how illuminated she was and how good she was at so many things. How excited she was, even if she did feel nervous. But now I just struggle in everything and I dread basically everything. Whoever is reading this, hi, I hope you don't mind how pessimistic I sound, I promise I'm a lot of fun sometimes. But this is how I feel, truthfully. I'm always making a joke of how lost I am, I make it funny, people find it relatable and funny, I try to be lighthearted about my feelings of dread about the world, but it doesn't change the way I just feel. And this leads to me crying unexpectedly in a car ride when I'm asked a simple question like what do I want to do in a year from now. Cause I don't even know what I'm doing right now.
I wanted to add some stuff that might help y'all help me. I've felt very bored in uni, and I've tried out many different subjects that I thought I might enjoy, and even if I do have a little interest, it wears out so fast, and I can't see myself working in any of those subjects. I do enjoy art a lot, but it's been so long since I touch a sketchbook or a paint brush and it feels really dreadful to do so now. And I don't even know if I can make earn a living off of that, the chances are so slim so I'm really confused on what I want to do. And as for uni, even though I can't see myself in anything academic, I've thought of finishing with a degree in music, because it's what I love and it's what I originally wanted to dedicate my time to, but I was too afraid and it still seems so scary to pursue because it just doesn't lead to anything solid or steady. But I see the music students in their classes and performances and I always wish that were me. But I wouldn't want to do music education cause I don't want to work as a teacher either. I'm also deathly afraid of ending up unemployed. I'm not rich, and seeing how my parents struggled taught me from a really young age how important having enough money is. But I'm not greedy either, I don't want to put time into something I don't really care about just because it makes me six figures or more. I just want to do something that makes me feel happy and excited but doesn't leave me wondering if I'll have a roof over my head. The last few years or even decade of my life have been so hard, mentally and emotionally, and I think I could've been in a much more secure spot by now if I had just asked for help sooner. I think I've rambled long enough, thank you for reading all this and I'm just grateful for all the people here who leave supportive comments on my posts and on others', y'all are so freaking amazing. Thank you so much.
I read the whole thing and I enjoyed it. I don't know if this helps at all, but I am a college professor who specializes in first year students and seniors. And you are exactly where most students who are nearing graduation usually are. They may look like they are possessed and calm and know what they want. They have no actual idea. Many will end up floundering for a bit after graduation and that is okay.
I love the fact that you don't want to be money based but have lots of artistic dreaming in there. You can use those things to find your eventual place. Worry much less about what is going to pay what. Focus on your gut. You will find your peace there and most likely a job too. What are you majoring in right now?@peaceandblessings
@bestVase7265 Hi, thanks for your reply! Wow, I never thought I'd have a college professor read and reply to my post. I'm a little embarrassed, to be honest, haha. Thank you for reading through it all, I know I must sound crazy, but lately everything's felt like a huge dark cloud over me that follows me everywhere I go. I know I might be making changes even after graduation, as you mentioned, many people are unsure even in their last year or last semester. My family has pretty high expectations of me though, they would rather I end up in a very stable and safe position once I've graduated. And I don't blame them, they had very difficult lives and they're just terrified that I won't end up with an easier life than the ones they lived. I'm a first-gen American student, so my family doesn't have many connections or resources to support me as other students may have, so I can't help but feel a lot more dread than people who for instance have a family business that they can always go back to, or connections that can guarantee them security. I'm literally starting from scratch. Also, I'm a PR (public relations)/marketing major, but I have no interest in it. Learning about it is fine, the lessons are sometimes interesting, although I find it mostly boring. My gut's saying I may have a lot more to contribute in other fields, but I'm still having trouble figuring that out.
I am just a normal person, so don't be scared by any titles.
It is harder for first gen students with parents who have high expectations. You have to work at not letting it all overwhelm you.
I would experiment a bit with the PR/Marketing stuff first. It may not work, but you won't know until you try. Notice I said "experiment". Don't expect it all to work the first time.
You said that overall you find PR/Marketing stuff boring. Any particular classes or moments in there that you found interesting? Sometimes that can lead you towards something more easily. Were they music or arts related?
It sounds like you need to do work where you feel like you are doing good for the world. What would that look like in marketing? What about non profit marketing? If you can find a cause that you see as important doing marketing for that might be a good idea.
Does your uni have a career center? Have you used it all? Sometimes they can be really helpful though it is hard to walk through the door.@peaceandblessings
@bestVase7265 I guess I may change my Pr major to a minor because I'd rather spend more time doing something else. Honestly, it is useful because you learn about business and consumer psychology but I just don't really care that much about this subject. And you're right, things don't always work out the first time or the way we think it will. And I think my professors or simply the way the information is taught is what I find pretty draining and boring. Even with subjects I thought I'd enjoy, such as visual design for business, I found it to be rather boring. As for trying marketing jobs that are for causes I find important, I guess I could see myself at least trying that out. But I don't really know if I would even like it and that kind of freaks me out. Not knowing what I'm meant to do. I grew up used to taking orders from people around me that now that I'm the one who has to make a choice, and every choice after that, I feel so overwhelmed and even incapable. I always end up feeling severe impostor syndrome no matter what field I dip my toes in. But I do remember never feeling that when I was a kid. I was eligible for gifted classes, I could literally do anything I wanted to, as long as I set my mind to it. I just wish I could feel that way again. I don't know how to listen to my gut anymore without also hearing all the noise from outside.
There is always ways to find that inner voice again. It just takes time. Your inner voice is telling you stuff now.
The positive words in there were related to psychology. Rather than making decisions for people about what how they should market themselves, what about learning more about the psychological side of things? Do you like thinking about that part?@peaceandblessings
@bestVase7265 Hey bestvase, thanks for your reply. I honestly now think I shouldn't go into business. No, I don't enjoy thinking about the psychological side. It's just not something I love or care about. If anything, I'm very anti-business, anti-advertising. The more I learn about it the sillier and inhumane I find it. It feels like I'm just wasting my time. I find marketing very annoying, if anything.
You said before that you felt at one time that you could do anything that you wanted if you put your mind to it. You still can find that feeling again.
So your passion isn't in marketing of business. That is fine. You have learned something that you don't want to do. That is important.
So it is a matter of reorienting yourself. That is always possible no matter what degree you get. Tell me a little more about the things you like to do with your free time.@peaceandblessings
@bestVase7265 Hey bestvase, thanks for your reply. I did believe that at once about me, but my question is how do I get to that state of mind again? How do I convince myself that that is true even though I've felt incapable for a long time? And for what I do with my free time, I don't do much. I waste most of my time surfing the web. I listen to music a lot. I don't think this info is useful at all, but I guess that's why I feel like an unsolvable expression.
The solution is still sitting there and you can find it. Music may be part of the answer. I know that the arts were a passion that you didn't pursue because you thought they weren't lucrative enough. But there is a bunch of stuff that you can do with music that is plenty lucrative.
Does your school have a career help center of some sort? Go to it and ask for a list of all the possible music careers that there are.
Start off with open-minded research. It can be lots of fun, though sometimes challenging. Create a list of all of the possibles and then next to each one write "I could do this because". Let the negatives stay in your head. @peaceandblessings
@bestVase7265 I think I just feel so incapable, in general. I could take your advice and do this activity, and I will, some time in the next couple of days, but I can't block the negative voices in my head. Of course I want to but I just can't do it. It's the worst kind of frustration. I've learned that even if other people say they believe in me or they're there for me, none of that makes a difference. I can believe what they say, and I can believe I'm capable of doing anything I want. I know I can, but I just don't feel that way. I literally feel a physical sense of resistance towards anything I attempt. I have no idea how to change this. And the worst part is I know this is just all in my head. My brain is my biggest enemy right now.
I totally get that feeling. It is part of the depression. When I was at my worst, my sister-in-law would have to say to me "If you can't believe in yourself right now, then you need to trust me to hold onto that belief for you." Basically, this is just saying to yourself that if someone else believes in me then I better keep trying to move forward. It helped. And I do believe in you.
The smaller that you can think of the step the better. It is when you imagine it as giant that it gets hard. You are doing basic things like getting up, showering, eating, and drinking, right? This can be on that same level.
You can even take a smaller step in researching music type careers on the internet rather than going right to the career center. Report back here 3 interesting ones that you found. Note that I did not say find three things that you think you can do. All they need to be is things that are interesting. Would that work?
@peaceandblessings
@peaceandblessings
I think many people do not really know what they want to do .... some have ideas ... then find the day to day of that profession etc NOT what the expect while in UNI.....
i think people if possible should try different things to really find out what may fit..... jobs like most everything are not always as you may assume from the outside.... be open try things and learn from every opportunity ......
@toughTiger6481 Hey, thanks for your reply! This helped me to see my situation in a more positive way, instead of dreading change and risks, maybe I can see it as having a bunch of opportunities to constantly try something new. I think I'm just very afraid of making a mistake. And it overwhelms me to the point where I would rather never try anything.
@peaceandblessings
there is no mistake trying new things and expanding your world ...the only mistake i see many making is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results
I’m so sorry to hear that you feel like this. It’s ok to feel dissapointed and sad about yourself because of how cheerful you were when you were younger. Being less energetic and cheerful is ok, what matters is your health. You shouldn’t focus on the future, just do your best right now. You don’t need a plan just have fun :)
@peaceandblessings its very normal for people during highschool to not figure out what they want to do yet. just like me
@peaceandblessingsI'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time right now. It's completely normal to feel lost and uncertain about the future, especially after graduation. You're not alone in feeling this way. Remember that it's okay to take some time to figure out what you want to do next. It's important to focus on taking small steps towards your goals, and to remember that progress takes time. It's also okay to reach out for help, whether it's talking to a friend or family member, a counselor, or a mental health professional. You don't have to go through this alone. Take care of yourself and know that things will get better with time.
@warmheartedpd1234 Hey warmhearted, thanks for your reply! It is comforting to know that over time things will be fine, ultimately. I'm just in a very discomforting moment right now and I really want it to pass fast. I think what's worrying me the most is that I'm almost sure it will take me a lot longer to finish my degree than I had originally planned. I don't think this has many downsides but it's really hard to see other people graduating or moving on so much quicker. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, almost. But maybe that's just in my head. I dunno. Anyway thanks again!
It's okay u're not in a race with someone you just need to take it easy on yourself and be a better you for YOU!
Don't compare urself to others there will be better achievers and worse achievers
U just need to be better tomorrow than urself today
U have many plans so try to have a big goal then make little goals stick to them to reach it.. If u always see the full picture u won't achieve anything just take a step by step
I know how you feel u just want to be better at anything instantly.. I remember when I learned a new language I wanted to reach B2 quickly in a month maybe but it's never like it takes time and patience and a whole lot of effort