feeling unloveable
im a sophomore in college and i have no friends. im trying really hard to enjoy being alone and trying to better myself emotionally and physically, but i just feel invisible 24/7. i want to be apart of a friend group and feel wanted. i try to reach out to people/join new clubs, but i still haven’t found my people. i’ve also never had a relationship before, and it makes me feel really ugly and gross. i see friend groups and couples holding hands, laughing together, and those experiences just feel so far away for me. im sick of just going through the motions everyday. idk how to begin to love myself. i just feel so tired and unmotivated. sorry that this is so unstructured😅i think i mostly just need to rant
@deluxeplant
coming from a place in our life when we are trying desperate for a connection it seems to be harder and harder to make a connection...
it is easy to turn that on ourselves as well ... i just did it myself i have a few what i call semi- friend ... which is people i can interact with but would not consider close enough share all. I had a chance to meet someone whom may have been a closer friend but i overdid it and she may have been overwhelmed with my sharing...now i am blaming myself instead of just accepting i may not have been a fit for them.
you said you have not found your people but at least you are trying....
have you ever misplaced something and you remember seeing it somewhere but cannot locate it.... the more we look the frustration is there ... lets say a day or two later we are doing something else and there is the item we spent hours looking for..........relationships are like that never met a person i could really connect with out looking for them instead seemed to stumble into them.
you are not alone many you see in that friend group might feel like you but fake it for a connection.
@deluxeplant
That's me, unwanted. Your share gave me catharsis. What do you find the most interesting? Btw I don't like it when people only enjoy attention from me but don't give me any.
Ranting is excellent and college is hard, especially in making friendships.
I work at a college and specialize in first years who are trying to make friends for the first time, believe it or not.
So let me ask a few questions: what are you thinking of majoring in? There could be some connection points there. What kinds of things do you like to do in terms of hobbies? You can also make connection points there.
Remember that the majority of people that you see aren't as happy as they appear. They too are sitting in their dorm rooms. Try when you can to switch locations for studying, etc. Take lots of walks outside. All of those things can help. @deluxeplant
I'm in a very similar situation to you; the college I go to is a very large school, so it's been hard for me to connect with the people around me. I also have social anxiety, which makes reaching out and making friends even tougher. I don't have friends here, and I feel kind of embarrassed about it sometimes. You are not alone!
Something I've found that helps me practice self-love is to set small goals for myself. They can be events you're looking forward to or a task as mundane as making your bed; you set the parameters. I find that setting small goals helps me get through the days by making me feel like I've accomplished more.
I would also recommend researching if your college offers any counseling services; this is how I started my journey of seeking support, and it ultimately led to me getting diagnosed and starting therapy. Counseling could help you set up strategies for mitigating loneliness and connecting with others in a meaningful way.
Finding friends in college can be tough sometimes; I'm rooting for you :)
@cocoafp191
Hey your comment gave me motivation to go back to my self care practices with small goals. Your comment is very organized. Would you like to share what's your diagnosis?
@floatingleaf4973
Glad to hear the comment helped you out! I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), social anxiety disorder, and depression. Things have been rough, but seeking support has helped me get to a better place than where I was before.
@deluxeplant same here btw and it doesnt get better
@SillyGoofster
You know, your comment makes me feel hopeless. But if we ourselves, the different people looked out for each other, the cruel people wouldn't get so much power. I tried so hard to form some sort of constant accountability and sharing connection with people here, in study groups, in spiritual groups, in knowledge distributing-smart sites. Everywhere people are lonely but only want attention from one side. The relationship is cool as long as I'm paying attention to them but when I express I'm not getting attention, they lash out at me. I'm saying, there's a chance it could get better, it's not hopeless. But we need to look out for each other.
Great response and very healthy attitude! You can do this.@floatingLeaf4973
@bestVase7265
Thank you bestVase! Your compliment and validation means a lot to me! Thank you! Sending you much love <3
@floatingLeaf4973
im sorry if i made u feel hopeless, thats not cool. im sharing my experience with it so far and i had 0 luck socially or any improvement. it could be different in the future if i try harder? or take more productive steps. but rn its an immovable object (for me)
ideally, different people have to stick together. we're not in an ideal situation rn but i believe one day we'll achieve it
stay strong, you, op, and everyone suffering around the world
@SillyGoofster
It's not your fault, but I kind of feel sad that I couldn't connect to anyone despite we all going through similar things. In my mind, it seems possible to co-operate each other but in practice different people are in different places in life and not everyone understands how to make progress. I'm not hurt or triggered, just that I'm sad in my mind it feels like it could've been possible but I still can't find anyone.
Hey!
I understand what you feel because i have been in same place. It feels like you are alone in this world and there is no one in this world who will love you or take care of you. It gives the vibe of feeling unwanted. Most important it feels like i am useless.
What worked for me? - I accepted who i'm. I tried to have cool friends but didn't worked out for me so i started doing things that made me happy.Now i have friends who love what i do, share similar interests and it's going great.
