getting bullied at school

hello for starters my name is River and i’m 16 and i’m in my senior year of high school.

I had always been a quiet kid…in elementary school i was bullied for being boyish and a loner..for being quiet and sensitive and a “crybaby” i had short hair and looked like a boy.

I was again bullied in freshman year for having a boy cut, for being dropped by my friend group of popular mean girls who tormented me and excluded me for an entire year.

Now i’m a senior and i’m being faced with a completely different situation. I’ve grown up since freshman year. I grew my hair out, got skinnier “glowed up” as some people say. I began to dress more femininely (laces, skirts, bows, pinks and whites) you get the gist. I elevated from being the boyish, awkward and acne-faced girl to whatever i am now. I wouldn’t consider myself the prettiest girl in the school or any of that egotistical nonsense but I am conventionally pretty and i’ve become extremely self loving and confident. I embrace my style, and what sets me apart from my peers (I have a baby face like big brown eyes and heart shaped lips and a small nose and look younger than I am and i’m much smaller and slimmer in height and weight then what would be considered usual). My junior year was truly the best time in my life I got attention from guys, was surrounded by friends and company, I was coddled by teachers and favoured by them…I received special treatment and nicknames and felt desired.

I still remained a quiet kid nonetheless. I was still shy, I was still stutterish. I was by no means popular nor loud even if I existed in a certain pedestal.

Senior year began and I was placed in a homeroom of 8 girls and 20-something boys. I began to realise as the year went on that I was very much disliked by the girls in my homeroom.

exhibit #1: A girl whom i’ll call Hailey. She’s dating a guy in our class named Oliver who i’ve had a 3 year long situation with (we started off as your average puppy love which turned into a toxic rollercoaster of stalking, manipulation and bullying) I had a falling out with Oliver in the beginning of senior year and he made that very obvious to everyone. He started pushing and shoving my guy best friend around, slamming doors in my face, monitoring my whereabouts and attempting to humiliate me. I’m assuming he told Hailey about me…because she too has been insulting me, humiliating me, monitoring me, making everyone laugh at me and most prominently…turning all the girls in our class against me.

exhibit #2: Hailey has a best friend named Natalie who by default also despises me. She’s much more vocal with her insults. Natalie is known as a class clown…she has always been boyish so her role has always been settled as the “funny girl who’s one of the guys” it’s important to note that my guy best friend whom i’ll call Alex has been friends with Natalie since childhood and I suppose that’s one of the reasons she dislikes me. (Alex had romantic feelings for me and now considers me his best friend due to Natalie’s rude and abusive behaviour towards me and her constant teasing of Alex such as calling me his girlfriend etc etc) she loves Alex…but she hates me and makes the vocal harassment very clear.

exhibit #3: I’ll call this girl Willow. Willow had always disliked me for a reason I can never be sure of. She frequently called me boy crazy, a s*ut, a wh*re for due to the fact that a lot of guys publicly and visibly flirted with me (mind you i’ve only actually been in one relationship…i’m an extremely shy person with high social anxiety) she has always made passive aggressive comments towards me especially about my weight (im underweight which and i’m trying to gain some weight! and she leans on the curvier side is it okay to say chubbier? english isn’t my first language so im unsure what terminology would be inappropriate but in no way do i mean this in a demeaning way because i don’t view someone being chubby as ugly that’s just an insecurity she’s very vocal about). she also doesn’t hide her hatred towards me she often joins Natalie and Hailey when they’re teasing me, laughs with them, gives me dirty looks and incredibly resents me.

Exhibit #4: this one hurts the most. I have a cousin named Mary who i’ve always been close with…she’s been like a sister to me all these years despite these ups and downs. Despite her claiming she cares for me, hugs me and tells me she loves me she has also been joining Natalie, Hailey and Willow and their campaign against me…tho more subtly. She doesn’t say anything but she laughs with them, hangs out with them and ignores me in social setting.

It’s become unbearable because there’s truly no action I have committed that would grant me such treatment…I have nothing to take accountability for and nothing to apologise for because I have never conversed with these girls before to have offended them…i’m now afraid of going to school because I know some sort of verbal harassment is going to follow me around. I sit quietly in class if my only two friends aren’t present…I fear catching any attention by joining social groups or being given big gestures like during Valentine’s Day where I was the only girl who was publicly given two large bouquets at school (The harassment elevated after that). If i’m not present in class the bullying is more vocal…they’ll say the worst things about me, laugh and attempt to make everyone laugh. Oliver too will laugh. Alex would get so disturbed he’d walk out.

I’ve tried to ignore it and keep my distance but it only gets worse…i’ve kept quiet and refrained from fighting back and that itself made the bullying more explicit. They’ll joke about how i would rather cry or crap my pants then ever face them and in a way they’re right.

I don’t know what to do…there’s 14 weeks left of senior year before graduation and I have no clue what i’m in for.