isolating myself
it feels so good to cut myself off from people. over the years i've developed a somewhat intricate system from making sure that i never see any messages from people when they text me. sometimes i want to delete my number and throw my phone away. want to know why i love cutting myself off from others? because when i open up my messages tab and see a string of messages i've gotten no response to. no new messages for days at a time. why am i like this?
my birthday is a month and i'm so worried i'm going to spend it alone. i moved to a new city. i'm home for the holidays but i'm going back there next week. i've only made 1 friend in the new city. i don't usually make this much of a fuss about my birthday especially this far in advance but this is one that i really want to work out. when i told a friend that my bday was coming up and i didn't want to feel lonely they said i should come down to meet them. i don't know if they meant that or not because they haven't really responded to my messages for a few weeks now, i think they forgot about me.
look at how stupid all of this is. look at the state the world is in and all i can think about is my birthday and getting texts back. i need so much reassurance it's ridiculous. i don't know anymore. i'm tired and i need someone to hug me for a few hours and say that they care
@versatileOwl4907
Can you imagine the olden days ..........where texts and message were not around.... now with instant messages ....... so many people NOW time how fast or slow a response is to measure friendship ?
it becomes a duty to answer every message ASAP regardless of what a person is doing. i have done it too no response because i assumed they were not busy ... their phone was charged etc.
Tech is great until we assign meaning to things at random. i find it all a headache to guess at why someone did not respond or where vague or one word responses. if you do not want to be alone on your bday...... go somewhere /plan something / call or text days before not weeks.... people with everything in an instant seem to only live in the moment.
imagine long ago calling a phone and only getting a busy signal......did people tailspin into why the phone was busy or who was more important then your call....no because we gave others room to respond on their time.
@toughTiger6481
This is a really helpful response. I've been reading it over and over the past few weeks every time I get anxious about this. I don't think I'll ever not be anxious about this type of communication so I usually need some type of reassurance that I'm overthinking it or something.
@versatileOwl4907 it’s okay to need reassurance nothing you’re asking for is out of this world you. I totally get how you feel. Recently I’ve put a focus on my phone that only my mother and sister can get through. That way I can see my other notifications from the notification bar. I just need time to like mentally be in the space to respond. I would love to have more friends but I feel like my mental health gets in the way. Then I don’t like to text first or keep texting if I haven’t been answered because I feel like a burden to others. It’s really complicated. I want to be social but I don’t at the same time. my birthday is also on the way as well In abt two months. A lot of the people I follow usually do like countdowns on *** but I’m afraid to even make one in fear that no one would turn the reminder on or even care enough my birthday is coming. I almost don’t want to post abt it at all just to abound the disappointment. I’m getting ready to go to college this fall and I’m hoping things turn around for me then. I totally get how you feel and you’re not the only one you’re not alone. Whatever I can do to help I will :) happy early birthday from me!
