it hurts

I’m writing this because I feel like I’m carrying everything by myself and I don’t know where else to let it out.

The biggest weight is my family. They’re strict, controlling, and a huge part of why I feel trapped. I can’t talk to them about mental health at all. If I even mentioned therapy or needing help, they would shut it down immediately or make it a big issue. I feel like I have to hide every feeling just to avoid conflict. Most of the time I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at home.

Because of this, I don’t have anyone close I can talk to. I don’t have a friend I can trust with all of this, and there isn’t any older person in my family I can confide in. It feels like I’m completely alone with my thoughts. Every problem, every fear, every decision—everything just stays inside me.

On top of that, I’m constantly scared and tense. I cry out of nowhere, I get anxiety attacks, and I feel irritable and angry even when nothing specific is happening. Sometimes I think about my problems and they suddenly feel small or “not real,” and then I turn it all back on myself, like I must be the problem. It’s confusing and exhausting.

I feel devastated, lonely, and stuck. I can’t reach out to a therapist because my parents would never allow it. Right now all I can do is try to endure this by myself, but it’s getting harder and harder. I just need someone to listen and maybe help me figure out what to do next.