someone unlovable and lesser than…
i sense that no matter what i do, people perceive me as lesser than them, ever since i was a child. i was severely abused by my sadistic narcissistic incestious parents. growing up in school, all the other girls seemed to hate me even though i would just mind my business, attend classes, make a couple friends and be kind to everyone.
my body was always the topic of discussion. how ugly or unlikable my body was by family and ‘friends’ at the time. even getting assaulted by girls at school because i said i enjoyed working out, they thought i was too slim to be strong so i was attacked by the group of em.
anywho, flash forward to high school and it was an absolute *** show. relentlessly abused by people who had called themselves my friend again, mocking my body etc and how ‘weak’ i was for getting abused by a guy, all while getting sexually humiliated and preyed on by my own blood father.
last year i was sexually assaulted and again, had my body mocked by women who would compare themselves to me, i suppose to prove to themselves that they’re superior or better, and i was just always there for them always giving.
i sometimes wonder if I’m just born to be abused, unloved, humiliated, reduced to nothing… discredited dismissed, talked down to etc, and i always fight back but no, it’s like those people become more obsessed with being around me just to torment me more.
still when i share my story to people, even they think i am the one to blame, they too look down at me and it makes me think. maybe i just should not have been born. maybe i should just free myself from living life since i am so disgusting that i don’t deserve love at all. i hate myself…
@littleBlueberry9521
You absolutely do deserve love.
You are not disgusting .
Or unlovable.
The people around you don't get to decide that.
You didn't deserve what happened to you.
You don't deserve to be ridiculed
It's not your fault 💛
thank you for your kind words🥹
thank you for your kind words🥹
@littleBlueberry9521
My dear Blueberry, I wholeheartedly agree with everything Amanda said, and more.
You are a human being and no human being deserves to be treated as you have been. Your thinking has been shaped by experience but your experiences do not define who you are.
I don't know if you are still in the same situation and/or surroundings that has fostered these disgusting treatments but if you are then, if I were you, I would get away - if you can.
There is a better world out there, it's just a matter of breaking free of the stereotypes and conditions that have, wrongly, been forced upon you.
Once you free of the situation/conditions/surroundings then you can rebuild yourself and find your true self. YOU are not lost, you are just hiding because of the treatment you have had to endure. You can be more.
Namaste,
D.
hey wolf. i appreciate your support so much, and i’ve since left that environment for over a year now with no desire to go back at all. i’ve integrated very well in the new city and i’m in university perusing all my hobbies interests and living as the person i know i am deep down. however, this pain still come back from time to time to the point where i feel suffocated by it. despite that though, you and Amada’s kind and wise words have really cleared things up for me and i appreciate it so much☺️ have a good day
@littleBlueberry9521
My dear LittleBlueberry, I am SO HAPPY to read your last message. I am hugely impressed that you were able to make those changes and, let's face it, YOU had to be the strong one and make that happen.
See, you got this. Of course there will be times when the past will come back to haunt you, show me one person here that doesn't get that but, in a new environment with new opportunities and new interests that will fade, I am sure of it.
YOU GOT THIS!!! YAY YOU!!! 😁
Namaste,
D.
