trying to heal makes me realize my problems are within

i can't seem to move on from how things have been

it's been years i'm turning 17 this month and life has genuinely gotten better i made new friends i cut off the people who hurt me

i thought after all this things will get better

but it didn't

i feel so much worse somehow it feels like nothing has been resolved and i just walked away, i chose not to speak now it haunts me forever how i didn't do myself justice and i jusr let myself be misunderstood and mistreated

i don't know how to fix that

it weirdly feels wrong for me to feel good like i have this deep rooted self hatred for myself i wish i could change that like i could never see the good things i did or been through i only focus on the negativity and live in it, always criticizing myself when i don't realize it. i always forget that others aren't perfect which is stupid obviously everyone has their own mistakes and flaws but i always view people better than me even when they're not

i'm not sure if i just lack confidence or something i've just been hurt way too many times to trust myself again but i know i'm so much better than i give myself credit for

i got bullied in middle school back then now i'm scared of being judged and scared of being seen when i'm not preforming well if that makes sense

ugh i hate how i have to go through *** at night then have to go to school the next day

it's bad at school and bad at home idk where to go anymore i feel so lonely