Hello...
Hi all,
I've joined today because I don't really know who to talk to. I have good friends but the 'I'm fine' is all they get from me.
I'm 32 and single. I've never felt more alone in my life. In January I broke up with my boyfriend. He was no good for me so it was a good thing. Not long after I got in contact with an old school friend who I've known for 25 years. Back in school I had a thing for him. He was always someone pretty special to me. Thing is, he's married. His marriage is in trouble. I think I let my feelings for him take over and we had a thing. All along I knew it was wrong but my feelings kept taking over. I feel like a disgusting person for it. It's not me to do that. About 3 weeks ago we decided to stop talking all together. That broke my heart. Even just to lose his friendship...I think that's what hurt the most.
because I felt so alone I stupidly contacted my ex. We decided to start dating and see how it went. Well...he was up to his old tricks again so really...a time waster. I think I just needed something else to focus on. I don't want to be with him but I want to feel something else if that makes any sense.
i just feel like I'm losing it. I'm losing friends because I'm pushing people away. I can't tell people what I did with my old school friends because I know it's wrong.
I just feel really lonely
@Keeeks - I think you're really insightful to say that what you need is something else to focus on - I agree. I think when you find yourself falling into destructive or problematic habits, it's far easier to stop them by replacing them with a postitive one than by trying to stop and just sitting thinking about them. What do you think that thing to focus on could be? Is there something you've always wanted to do just for you, like learning a new skill, exploring your city, or anything like that?
As for your friends, I can relate to having things you don't feel like you can tell friends, but also not wanting to push them away - do you feel like you could work on reconnecting with them on an emotional level even if you're not comfortable sharing that specific thing?
@Keeeks
Hi and welcome. I'm glad you found 7 Cups. I think you'll find a lot of support here.