Inactively Suicidal?

@ImprobablyAnxious I know exactly what you mean

I always say things like "I want to die" but coming to think of it I wouldn't be able to kill myself, I think what we really mean when we say or think about suicide is that we don't want to be dealing with our feelings anymore but we don't actually want to die. If that makes sense. Recently I just feel so hopeless and I find it so difficult that my life is good and going well but I'm still so cripplingly sad. I want to die so my sadness will be over but I don't want to die as it will cause so much more sadness for my best friend and my family.. also because death erases any possibility of life ever getting better and despite the feeling of hopelessness for the future I have a tiny glimpse of belief that things will hopefully, eventually be better.

This is me. I don't want to kill myself but if I died it'd be okay. I refer to it as "conveniently suicidal." Like Im not going to go out of my way to end my life, but considering my lack of drive, goals, and desire for anything, an accident of sorts could be convenient. I wouldnt complain.

@ImprobablyAnxious I know what you mean. I feel kind of apathetic twoards living; I would never kill myself, but I wouldn't mind if I died. It's hard to describe to people without them freaking out, which is a little frustrating.

This is exactly how Ive been feeling but I didnt know how to word it

All the time.

Yeah, I know that very good. I have that most of the time, and the really good days distinguish themselves by no hidden suicidal thoughts. I wonder how to make them go away permanently, though.