My personal struggle with depression. Share your story struggling with depression here! All welcome

When i was vary young, i was never good at school, my parents beat me, and my sister got all the love and attention while i was left alone scared and feeling worthless. Tried to take my life around at age 5-6 had no friends. Wasn't allowed outside at all unless my parents were with me... And they never left the house. I just accepted every bit of it, verbal physical... Till the school caught​ on told my parents​ to stop... They stop hitting me, but the verbal abuse never stopped. Now I'm 20. I've been depressed for so long with only short bursts of happiness here and there.

My parents got divorced...after that all went downhill. I want barely eating or sleeping because I didn't have money or time and shortly after broke up with my boyfriend. My depression lasted two years. But God helped me out of it. He literally did.

Mine started a while (probably 7th grade) ago when I realized that I was not myself. I didn't hang out or do the same things that my friends or other people did. I was told that I wasn't allowed to. I wasn't allowed to because that stuff wasn't glorifying to god. i couldn't hang out with certain people, wear what i wanted, say what i wanted, watch or listen to what i wanted. i had to do everything i could to glorify god. growing up i realized that i'm nothing like my family. i dress way different than them, i think differently and i got through out life differently. i feel like to this day my mom doesn't accept me for who i am. i moved out/got kicked out and i feel like i have no one. i'm empty and lost and lonely and scared. i just want to be happy doing what makes me happy.

I'm not sure when my troubles have started but I know that my psychological scars run deep. My father died when I was so young that I hardly remember him and I know that has left a mark on me. I was also molested as a young child by a friend of the family. I know that left a mark on me and it explains why or more like why I can't relate to men in any way shape or form. In addiction, I also witnessed my sister in a very abusive relationship early on in life as well. I know that is yet another reason that I'm scared to death of men hurting me. I have sexual desires but I allow people in my family to think that I have no interest in that sort of thing. Yet the mere idea of men in close proximity to me scares me so much that if someone that I don't know spends the night in our house visiting someone else, I can't sleep. I'm not sure which traumatic experiences has done this to me. I mean, I can't even go to the bathroom right now because it doesn't have a lock on it. I don't think my siblings even know how damaged I am by the past that was out of my hands. I think that a part of me resents them for not protecting me the way that older brothers and sisters are supposed to. I'm not sure what to do about these fears?

My story of depression...

It really started when I was in grade school. My parents really wanted me to be an honor student, and I was. But there were times they'd punish me when I can't answer their questions when they review me, so they'd throw me in the attic and wait for hours till they'd allow me to come outside. They'd literally throw me, a 7 year old, in a dark room with roaches and spiders at night for hours just because I couldn't answer their questions.

For six years, I endured their standards and expectations.

So when high school came, I thought I was happy. I followed my best friend than follow where they wanted me to be. So I did. I rebelled against them and they got mad and such. But I thought I was fine since I was with my best friend.

I was happy for once in my new school. My grades were great, my teachers, my classmates and everything was perfect.

But of course, no happiness lasts long.

She betrayed me. My own best friend started spreading lies about me. She bullied me. She got everyone in her side and started throwing me names and such.

And that year, I became depressed more than ever. I literally had no one to talk to. At school, none. And at home, I had none.

When I was seven a bunch of my classmates called me fat. To tell the truth, I probably really was fat. But it hurt to hear people say it. I started to fantasize about stabbing myself in the chest. I never hurt myself back then, though.

Ever since then I've been continually depressed. And I'm still kind of fat. I'm at fault for most of my flaws, especially that one. I could have been a much better person if I tried but it is too late now.

In 5th grade when my parents told us they were getting a divorce.

My struggle with depression happened rather recently. With stresses from school and no creative outlet all my negative feelings manifested themselves into depression.

i actually don't know if i am depressed, maybe my case is not as difficult as the other ones, but i definitely have i problem i can't diagnose.

My father died almost a year ago (2th april 2016), but i was having problems before that, i used to cry before for no reason, and when i do have a reason my cry is heavy and painful as hell (my father was everything to me, i was very attached to him). But i have a normal life, i hang with my friends sometimes and it's funny, i watch series (not much now), and i'm a very studious person (my life is pratically 90% dedicated to my engeneering curse). What brings me here is because sometimes i cut myself (when i am alone at home), it's not often but it scares me, i feel like i get worst every time. I have problems to communicate, especially with my family, i know i should tell someone i know, but i can't. I cry a lot too and i feel empty. I just don't want to get worst...

Hi I am Mar, I am new here today. I have had depression for quite a few years. My main concern lately is that I really tend to isolate myself. I am both an introvert, and I recently left an abusive marriage. I am working hard on getting my emotional and financial feet under me, but I have had some recent stressors that reallly threw me for a loop. Just wanting to introduce myself here and become part of a supportive community. Thanks!