My personal struggle with depression. Share your story struggling with depression here! All welcome

I honestly don't know when it initially started. I have lived my life bottling and stuffing my emotions, sometimes doing so without realizing it, virtually my whole life. My focus was to be there for my younger sister as well as my older sister ( I'm the middle child of three girls). Ive always had a realistic view on life with unreasonably high expectations. Part of it was due to trying to do anything to keep my mother's wrath away from both me and my younger sister. I became a people pleaser. I always was protective of my sisters, my maternal cousin, and my friends. I feel ive made so much sacrifice in my life and unfortunately I still don't see any reward but I can't help but in general being a decent human being and going above and beyond in most things. So if something goes awry it messes with my psychi even if I don't show it. But as any bottler can tell you it comes out eventually. Me and my mother had fist fights, I usually tried to spare my younger sister. But I couldn't stay living with my mom forever and moved out, and that's when my world just became a fun house of BS. I've been abused physically, mentally, and even sexually. I hate myself because I still look at my life and how I feel and even I see that it could have been so much worse, which is sad to say. I am alive and may not be happy but who is? I have happy moments, small periods of time where my brain pauses and lets me breath it in until more hits. I just ask someday it'll be okay.

My personal struggle with depression started when my father went abroad to work, i was around 10yrs old. I went to school alone on the day he left and when i "happily" went home hoping my father was there to hug me like usual he was gone, he went abroad without saying goodbye... my brothers knew, my mom knew... but they all decided not to tell me because i was a daddys' girl & it broke me more not knowing.

Months after that, my life turned upside down, i knew my mother loved my brothers more than me to the point she started threatining me that she would hurt me, my brothers abused me- hitting and choking me hoping i would die. Verbal and physical abuse, i went thru that... but i stayed home because it was the only way i could talk to my dad.

Tried to surround myself with sunny people but everytime i arrive home, it will all start again. 7years my father wasnt able to come home, tried to keep myself in line to make him proud... then the unexpected happened, it was the start of my severe anxiety and my depression.. my father died abroad because of cancer (stage 4) my world crumbled, my purpose gone... i didnt know how to live; and still he wasnt able to say goodbye, i wasnt able to say goodbye.

Ever since that event, i was never the same... and until now my illness is slowly taking me.

But i still have to fight right? For myself and for him.

I can't say exactly when depression invaded my life, but I do know the day when I finally accepted that my depression was a real problem. It was A Wednesday in the middle of March 2015. I was depressed long before that day. I was at a university where I had zero energy and Ii wasn't happy. It was a chore just going up the stairs to get to classes. I transferred to a college and the first semester there was amazing and fantastic... But the second semester was when depression overwhelmed me to the point where I had to drop out of school altogether. That was March 2015. I went through all the steps of seeing my doctor, getting medication, going to support groups, trying to see a counsellor... But the one thing that changed my life was diet and exercise. My brother helped me lose 35 lbs and I returned to school in 2016. I felt like I had rebuilt myself and my life... But I had fooled myself into thinking that I was cured of my depression. I met a friend last fall who I connected with on so many levels. She is a truly amazing human being. We opened up to each other, we have similar interests... But unfortunately, a misunderstanding erased the friendship. It hurts. I feel numb and hollow and I miss my friend more than I can express. I've cried more times in the last two weeks than I have in my entire life. I'm trying to be strong but it's so hard. And all of this has happened at the end of the semester and on the second anniversary of that day I changed my life.

My problems began in elementary school with negative self image. I didn't think of it that way, but it was there. I hyperventilated during school and had to be taken in an ambulance to the ER to regulate it. In middle school, I had friends. I panicked an awful lot and cried. The boys in my class bet money on who could make me cry first. High school helped me even out a little, and then it was back to square one in college, where I was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety. Now, years later I realize that it will never go away. It can only be managed. Currently I am in a downswing. I hope it will change soon.

It began in childhood, after my parents divorce. My mom got custody sadly. She is extremely verbally abusive and critical. My depression showed up in high school where I lost interest in school, started skipping and drank heavily. I did everything thing I could to forget my home life. My mom married and divorced four times after my dad. You can imagine the toil that would take on anyone. I even ran away. Was only able to save my life after I moved out and found a therapist. My dad has helped me too, he's nice and caring. Today, I'm a published author and I rarely drink. But, I still have to be vigilant about my mental health and it's not always easy.

my struggle really started early.

when i was young, my parents got separated and i've been left to having no permanent address. i keep moving to one relative to another. i was an unwanted child, so my relatives keep abusing me. physically, mentally, emotionally. when i was a kid, i believed i deserve nothing at all.

then i started living alone to run away from their mean words. and i thought it would be okay. i go to work, i go to school. it was doing well, not until a teacher took advantage of me and started scaring me in exchange of pleasures and grades. i got scared, i stayed at home and didn't go to school. i dropped out and i lost respect on myself.

right now, all the people i met just keep on leaving me and i feel very depressed over it. i started dating and making friends but they'll find their way to always leave me. i guess no one can love a person who had a very fucked up background?

i got diagnosed with bipolar and i keep trying to kill myself. but each try is a failure and i guess death rejected me as well. i really feel hopeless, you know? i am just a person who is very deprived of love that i never had receive once.

is that too much to ask?

My depression started as a child after my world fell apart. Abuse was not some thing I could deal with and it made me a very angry person. I though I had everything under control but I fell apart and know trying to save my life because there's days I just want to end it

Questioned why biological father didnt want to meet me and then by 16 my knee kept dislocating and the dad i consider my dad left. I was a dancer so two tragic and very impacting life events happened for me

My depression started after my boyfriend discarded me without so much as a goodbye. The way he broke up with me was terrible. It was an abusive relationship and I ended up with PTSD after too.

Mine started when I started high school. Being bullied and my depression got worse when I got bullied st college by two people. A teacher and a pupil. I was mentally bullied by all of my ex boyfriends as well. I'm in my 40s now and still suffer from it. Those people made it very difficult for me to trust anyone including men.