One thing I am feeling sad about today is...
That no matter how much i try to distract myself by going to parties and stuff, I will always have to go home and face the reality of being lonely and deprressed
Still feel sad about the truth that I ruined a friendship. I regret everyday. Once I think about it, the heart shrinks and tears are going to come out. And I have to hold it back. I don't know when I can feel better.
@VodG Im in the same boat :/ you cant beat yourself up about it though, we all make mistakes and in the end youll see that everything works out the way its meant to ❤️
I was to have a job interview today. 38 minutes prior to the interview I got a text saying they didn't have time to see me.... they will get back to me in the future if there is a need.
Hell why did they schedule the interview in the first place? Why did the re schedule from last Thursday to today.
I'm feeling upset and depressed... what's the point of trying? I get told I'm unimportant or I fail.
I can't handle this much longer
because i'm a waste of life and i don't want to be here anymore
@deathlizard you are not a waste. Let me know if you would like to chat.
I realize it's me who made my friend stops communicating with me any more...OMG how many mistakes I've made...
@VodG
When i look back at my life i try ignore the mistakes i made so i don't cringe or feel so guilty at my decisions😔
@AzureSky5 I am not able to ignore it. I made a series of mistakes that caused this issue. And I'm still suffering from it...
@VodG
Yeah, i was just moaning about my life lol😞
I don't know your situation but i believe that most things can be fixed even this friendship you think you broke. The fact that you feel remorse shows you're a good hearted person anyway. But if you've done your best to reconcile with them- you've don't your part then it's up to them. I wish you all the best💜
@AzureSky5
*done not don't lol
@AzureSky5 thank you. Buy I haven't find my best yet. I am still making mistakes and they just push my friend away and away from me. I don't what is the right thing to do. It's hard for me every day.
@VodG
Don't we all make mistakes? I think your friend should see that and be more understanding. And i can be ur friend if you want.
@AzureSky5 Thank you. Yeah we all make mistakes. But my mistakes are making me lose friend and I don't know how to correct it. The feeling of loss is just to hard..
@VodG
Tell me more of what happened.
@AzureSky5 Thank you for your kindness. It's just too long I don't have the strength to share it angry more. And I think sharing it is one of the mistakes I've made.
@VodG
I feel the same way. I told my parents stuff and it just made it worse😢 sorry I'm going to sleep now😴
@VodG hi, I think I already responded to one of your posts but please realize its not all your fault. I am dealing with the same situation, I pushed my best friend out of my life by trying to talk to her and being overbearing and she cut me off. Ive had to come to accept that it isnt all my fault, and this isnt all your fault either. The other person is making the decision not to try to be understanding and work things out, they are making the decision not to give another chance, and that isnt right.
At the same time we need to try to have some understanding and realize that they might be dealing with their own problems right now and cant handle dealing with this situation at the moment, but maybe in time they will and theyll come back and try to work through things. Just try to give it some time and see what happens, either theyll come back and talk things through or they wont, either way life will go on and we will be okay. Just remember whatever is meant to be will be. I know how hard this is, trust me, I know the guilt and shame and heartbreak feels unbearable but you can forgive yourself and move forward, and your heart will heal. Just be patient, you will get through this and be a stronger person and better friend as a result. Use this time to learn and grow, focus on yourself, thats the best thing you can do right now, you are the only thing you can control after all. Hope that helps some... you will get through this ❤️❤️❤️
that I have to return to my toxic job tomorrow due to not having a new one lined up yet. I spent all my time outside of work looking for new employment and it's really tough on me right now. I'm literally dreading all the micromanagement and bullying that will start happening as soon as I walk through the door tomorrow morning and the agressive attitude management has towards me when i've been nothing but a helpful employee. I'm searching everywhere for a job. The good news is that a counseling clinic near me is having open interviews at their job fair next wednesday so i'll be heading there after work to take my resume and see what they have to offer.
I had a talk yesterday with my aunt which left me upset. We got to talking about my work situation and the hell i've been through this past year with my first job post college graduation. She then tells me that management can talk to me however they like and treat me however they like and that they don't have to treat me with respect because i'm just a lowly employee/ a nobody. She then states that she to me that she's dealt with worse than me working for the state as a secretary for 30 years and that i have no choice but to deal with it. Then she tells me to just go work retail or do office administration work, both of which i do not want to do due to very bad experiences in the past.
I didn't speak to her after that. It's rude shit like that that makes me want to distance myself. The only good thing that's happening for me this week is that i'm finally going out of town. My flight leaves early saturday afternoon. I honestly can't wait to go to nashville! maybe it'll take my mind off of things. On a side note, i'm super bummed out that i'll miss the walk for suicide prevention this weekend. This would've been my second year going :(
Happy national Recovery month yall :)
@BrokenAngelxx When it comes to work, there are jobs out there where people treat you with the respect you deserve so never settle for anything less. Work a job you enjoy and work a job that appreciates you. I understand how you feel. I currently just left my last job because I was underpaid, unappreciated, my boss treated me horribly and it was so bad to where I was so stressed out and dreaded going to my job. I was a store manager before that job (the store shut down) and one thing I always did was let the employees know that they are the reason why businesses run and without them the store is nothing. The place I work for now the owner has that mentality. Good jobs with positive owners/bosses exist. So don
@Tashv thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. This whole time i've been working i've been blaming myself for what's been happening to me at my job but I realized that I never asked to be treated like i'm less than a human being. I deserve to at least be comfortable going to work and not be so completely stressed that i'm losing sleep every night. I'm still holding out hope to find a new job but until then i wrote down in my journal that if things do not change, i'll finish out the month of september and then quit. I wrote that I will absolutely not stay in this job for another full school year. Plus i'm approaching the one year mark at the end of this month, so i've overstayed my welcome anyway, and management often lets me know that i'm not welcome there.
However, I am so excited to be quitting my job in 3 weeks!!!! i'm literally can't wait. The first thing i'll do is try to find a little part time job in the mornings only for a few months and save up for my first car (that i'll be paying for in cash) hopefully i'll be buying it before next summer.
@BrokenAngelxx trust me I know exactly how you feel. The last job I was at was for a year and it got to the point where I would cry before, during, and after work because the stress was too much to deal with and just was adding into my additional reasons for being depressed. No one deserves to be treated like crap ever especially in a place where you are 5 days a week for 8 hours a day.
But I am very happy to hear that you re taking that step in leaving and have a plan for yourself. In the end your happiness is important. And at a job you spend a lot of time there so its important to make sure you are happy. Im sure youll find something soon! And congrats on the car. Its going to be an awesome feeling getting a car on your own!
@Tashv thanks i'm keeping hope alive that i'll get something new soon...hopefully before september is over. For now, i'm gonna focus on my recovery :) my mental health is important to me and if some bad shit happens at any time or I don't feel safe at work before september is over, i'm calling HR and telling them I quit :)
@BrokenAngelxx your mental health is always a main priority. I made the mistake in putting my job first before my mental health and because of that I fell into the lowest state of depression that I have probably ever been in. People dont realize the toll a negative job takes on your body and mind. So always put your health before anything. Also if work becomes to much, take a mental health day. I never realized the importance of a mental health day. Take that day to actually relax. my friend recommended I take a mental health day so I called out of work and she took me to the beach and the feeling of relaxation, genuine happiness and worry free is amazing. Take a day off! Also never settle. Yes in life there may be circumstances where you have to settle for the type of job that you are doing, that may not necessarily be your dream job and thats completely ok, but you should never settle for being treated like crap. Theres a big difference, and always remember that.
@Tashv thank you firnd for all the kind words/advice. This i exactly what i've been telling my family but they just ignore me and tell me to stick it out. September is finally almost over and i'm hoping to get out of this horrible food service job and getting a full time position at the counseling clinic, which is what I wanted anyway.So i'm hoping to hear back from the clinic hopefully within the next 2 weeks or so. I'm starting to lose my patience for this food service job and I desperately need a mental health day. I'm afraid to take one bc last time I did, I got screamed at by magagement. Next week friday is payday and i figured i'd go out and do something fun. I also want to do a mental health first aid class
Even though I certainly don't miss my hometown, I miss my old friends. I've only lived in my current location about 5 months, and while I've gotten to know a few people, I still have quite a way to actually calling someone here a friend. It's sad and lonely sometimes...
I have no adult friends (without kids) to hang out with. Once tom (My ex of 8 years) died, I lost all of my/our friends.
I haven't got out since Feb.
My depression is really loud in my head. . . It's dragging down my self esteem. I feel like I have something in me that pushes people away. Why can't I have local friends?
The animals that share the apartment building I live in have destroyed the laundry equipment here so getting my clothes clean and fresh is an impossiblity.
How I'll never be happy with the way i look, no matter what others say
