One thing I am feeling sad about today is....{share here}

Not getting enough sleep

I feel like I cant breathe. I wanted to tell you so much and it feels like you just left when i needed you

I don't feel like myself.

Im starting to realise that sometimes people who are close to you let you go, I dont get how you could be so close to someone then just move on and pretend nothing ever happened. Like they never mattered to you.

To just get up and walk away

My bad skin

My beautiful beta fish ( his name is Happy) has been with his momma ( me) for 8, EIGHT, years.

He is so social that he even let's me pet the top of his body without swimming away.

Whenever I feel sad or upset - he swims to the side of the tank closest to me and just stays there with me.

He has been very sick....

I have been up since 2:30 this am with him, watching him take his last gulps of breath.

It is Beyond sad to watch him dying in front of my very eyes.

But I am his momma and I promised him to be with him.

Taking a break now....

I don't think he will make it through the moring.

I am beyond sad - I am grieving a loss of my fin baby, my friend.

I feel sad and angry because yesterday at work, my manager gave me a transfer slip that i did not ask for and told me if i didn't like my current workplace, i could be transferred. I never asked for a transfer or said i had an issue with the job, which is what i told her. She did all of this because i told her i was taking a personal day on the last day of school. She got a very nasty attitude and was hostile towards me, even asking me in a nasty tone "when did you decide that you were going to take a personal day?" all while looking at me very angrily, like she was annoyed with my presence. She then said, "well fine, we don't need you here anyway" and then basically told me at the end of the day to keep the transfer sheet with me over the summer and fill it out when school starts back in september. She wants me gone and i've only been there 3 weeks. I keep to myself and do all my work plus the work of others and its still not enough. I've been doing this job for 9 months, and it has nothing to do with my goal of becoming a psychiatrist. this job i have now is food service. I only did this job to pay my student loan which will be gone in 4 months. Since i am a college grad and now hold 2 degrees, i know i'll be fine but my first job outside of school shouldn't have caused me this much grief. I actually passed out and lost quite a bit of weight because of the stress and for a long time, i couldn't even keep food in my system without feeling sick to my stomach. So i've basically been applying for jobs in my field, hoping to get into a behavioral health job while applying to take my pre-med classes at the community college (1 year of biology, chemistry, organic chemistry and physics + calculus and 1 course in biochemistry). I already filled out an application to volunteer so i'm trying to line things up now so i'll have a plan for how i want to move forward. I am now unsure if i want to continue on with this job in the fall or if i should cut my losses and quit now.

I AM SO ALONE.

I AM SO LONELY.

That I didn't get much time alone

I hate my life. I feel so so sooooo far removed from any slight possibility of happiness. I feel so isolated and hopeless. So lonely. So broken. So much pain.