One thing that is contributing to my depression is....

My whole life, my outlook has been bleak. Everything has always seemed meaningless. Hopeless. Pointless.

Hearing the new death toll everyday as this pandemic goes on

Reality

That I can't openly discuss my true thoughts without getting flagged for self harm. I have dealt with this for over 40 yrs. I have attempted the other numerous times and not one of those times was when I was trying to be open and honest about my feelings. Heaven forbid I mention the word suicide . In order to get past the fear of it we need to discuss the true thoughts of those who deal with it.

My own mind. Take that top spot followed by the impending feeling of what's the point anyways. Its not like anything i do will change the fact that im not good enough.

The fact that I "hid" from the world for 40+ years and now that I am ready to delve into who I truly am I am too old to enjoy life accepting me for me and living that life with people who accept me as I am.