Pour your heart out.

I really wish someone would appreciate me for who I am and stick with me until they get to know me. I've met a lot of people, but not once did I have a friend neither did anyone stay with me longer than a week. I'd always blame myself for things I shouldn't have, I'd ask myself where am I going wrong? Perhaps I'm not that interesting to anyone and I have nothing special to share, neither is my life exciting. But sometimes, I really wish someone would care for me, even if it's just a tiny bit, just a little care so I can know I'm not as useless as I make myself think I am. At this point, I stopped seeking for a friendship or close bond with someone, because in one way or another, I always end up being alone and it's tiring. If anything, knowing that I was cared for a little or just in the moment, I'd feel a little better.

@kdsyahirah My ex, Jason broke up with me over a misunderstanding... See I went through something with a guy who technically blackmailed me into... doing things to myself, saying he'd cu+ his +hr0@+ and well I didn't want to be responsible for someone to commit so I... feel like I had too, and I was going through a very very bad time I couldn't look at guys without hyperventilating I was terrified of them every time one would speak to me I would stutter... And I was currently with Jason at the time and I felt guilty and I couldn't tell him about it. And I met this guy, Jonathan he was unlike any of the others, I felt safe with him happier sort of... I didn't feel threatened in any way. I didn't love him but I told Jason that we had like an I like you too moment and he thought I was cheating on him and I confronted him about what I went through and I told him... Why I liked being with him and he started calling me selfish inconsiderate incapable of relationships, I only think about myself, I abused him, I forced him into being with me and doing things with me. And he covered up all his feelings in anger and hatred and everything I knew and loved about him completely disappeared and was replaced with a bitter cold person. And I never got any closure, I never got to hold him in my arms one last time. I never got to hear him say I love you one more last time.

I feel lost and im constantly depressed. Like this is the first time I’m been broken so bad because I usually fake how I’m feeling but now it caught up to me. There this girl how I really like and I thought I could have something with her because I never had a chance to experience love and ive always been lonely and i was fine about it until now. I’ve been depressed about it for over 2 months now i cant keep it inside and i need help and i someone to talk to for help. I still talk to her but its like im pushing her away because i dont think when i text her and im messing up my chances to talk to her again. She know how i feel about her and stuff but now shes talking to someone else and i want to stop trying to hurt myself emotionally and try to be better and have a clear mind and be myself again.

I am not giving up. I absolutely refuse to lose everything I've earned. I've worked so goddamn hard to get where I am and I will not be irrevocably shattered by what has happened to me. I am not defined by my past. I may be biologically created and formed by it, but I am not going down with the goddamn ship. I will not follow its path and I will not just be another victim. I am going to pick myself up, dust off the peices and I am going to keep on goddamn going. Because that is something I am good at. Something I want to be good at. You may break me but you can't stop me healing.

I have nothing left to pour. I want nothing but death.

Don't assume that just because I can't give you what you need that I have no feelings

I wish I can get up everyday not having to know I have to fight another war inside me. I wish I felt as loved as a person wants to feel. I wish I felt important. I wish I felt needed. I wish I felt strong enough. I wish people would stop commenting on how skinny I am. I wish people would stop judging the little amount of food I eat. I wish I could be known as my own person at school, not the smart witty goody two shoes. I wish I could come out to my relegious family. I wish I could meet my online friends. I wish I could open up to someone about my depression and anxiety. I wish I have someone I'm allowed to tell about my trauma. I wish I had someone who knows why do I get triggered by certain things. Last but not least, I wish I could be my own old happy self

I'm judged everytime I talk to the people with whom I'm living. I feel lost and dumb. I keep talking to myself and when someone intrudes, it feels like my castle of thoughts has got dumped. I've imaginary friends, imaginary family and imaginary people whom I can tell everything; whom I can share my stupidities, my love, my anger and everything but not with real people. It's really hard to deal with real people when you're contacted so deeply with imaginary ones. I don't say that people around me shan't tell me my faults; yes they can. But they shouldn't judge me on each and everything I do or I speak of. I don't like people talking bad about others or fault-finding in every other person. I want to keep myself neutral but still I'm judged. I'm judged because people around me think that they're Jack-of-all-trades and perfectionists while I'm an useless person. I want to change myself for the sake of my child. I want to be a stronger person. I don't give any verbal response to people who judge me out of respect. But I'm tired. I've nobody to talk with and share my concerns, my happy moments, my worries, etc.

@kdsyahirah

i matter okay? My feelings matter! You can't just come in my life use me and leave me. No you cannot do that, you have no right to do that. I just want someone who's happy like happy frr to have me in their life and doesn't give up on me. Now, please dont ask me if I'm okay. I might do a stupid thing called as opening up and im so tired of getting close to people and watching them leave me like im nothing.

I never told her but I loved her. Guess I thought maybe there was time. There was so many things going wrong at the time - I guess I panicked. I thought maybe we could take a step back - let me catch my breath and regroup and recover. She was so angry though - so hurt. I tried to explain but it wasn't any use. Guess maybe she'd just had enough and didn't want to hear anymore. She turned into a ghost and haunts my thoughts. The weight of her memory sitting on my heart. She was right within reach but these stupid problems I have stopped me from grabbing hold. She never even said good bye. Just disappeared. Its all my fault - how am I supposed to live with this? She was my best friend - I loved her and now she's gone. I'm an idiot - I'm sorry