Can't take joy in things I don't create..?

So let me start out by saying- I suffer from severe depression. I've been in the hospital, attempted suicide, etc., etc., etc., the whole nine yards. There's been threemajor factors fueling my depression, and the first one is simple. It's just boredom. If I've got nothing to do, and no one to talk to, etc., I get depressed quick.

The second is when I can literally take no interest in ANYTHING... There's these times where I just look at what usually brings me joy, and I go "Why do I like this? It's so pointless and it will take me no where and reasons this and reasons that on why it's such a bad and pointless boring thing to enjoy doing". Usually after a day or two, it's like it resets and/or goes away, and boom, I'm able to take joy in my usual things again.

The third one- and possibly the most problematicone... Is the fact that when I got and... Let's say watch a feel good movie, or an action movie- or just something I really enjoy all together- by the end of it, or when I stop, I hit this f**king well of depression! It literally just comes out of no where! I start hating the movie, or game, or book, or what ever it is I've just taken part in, and start hating everything with myself and it- and the reason is so stupid! The reason is: Because I didn't have anything/everything to do with it! It drives me insane! Especially with franchises I love! I want to call myself a narcissist- which I probably am all things considered, but I don't think that's the correct label for what ever it is that this is! Maybe it's just pure raw original selfishness, or something of that nature, but what ever it is, it makes it SO hard to take ANY joy in anything!

I'm an anti-social shut in, can't stand being around people for long periods of time- the narcissism kicks in way to quick in that regard... So beyond movies, and the internet... My options are limites (games, books, etc., etc.,). Even things as simply as Youtubechannels upset me into this depression pit.

Jealousy maybe? "Well go out and try being like the people you 'admire' ?"

I would love to just snap my fingers and become a big time movie star, or a successful _________ but there's a lot of people in this world... The only thing I could make money off of, is my writing- and that's IF I was lucky enough to find someone willing to sign me- however, sprinkle that with severe depression, and random spouts of no interest that can last for days... I could never finish a book on time with a deadline. "Well find a publisher that doesn't have a specific deadline". Anyone who thinks that's actually a thing needs to do some fact checking... Not to be rude or anything.

Long late night rant where insomnia and no interest right now is taking me, thanks to those who took the time to read, bigger thanks to those who respond.