Depression: To Accept, To Fight, or To Balance?
How many times have you heard that acceptance is the way to healing? Or that fighting your way out of this mess is what will take you to the other side and finally defeat this beast of Depression? These two questions contradict each other. So how can they both be equally as valuable and right for us?
During my time with depression Ive asked myself plenty of times which of these two roads was more right for me. Should I accept the pain of feeling this everyday and teach myself how to live WITH it? Or is it more reasonable and effective to learn how to fight the symptoms of depression through numerous tips and techniques. Sometimes it might even be a combination of acceptance and fight. Maybe?
Most days feel the similar to each other with depression. So how do you determine which days to fight and which days to accept? I have learned to balance mindfulness with the fight. Here are the steps I took and still take frequently:
1. Recognize the day ahead is going to be long, sad, empty, and dull, because thats what I feel and its what my depression tells me. I identify these emotions and put names to them.
2. Gauge my energy level for dealing with the emotional toll these feelings are going to take on me. If I can pay attention to my energy level, I am able to validate for myself that these feelings exist for me. They are my reality in this moment.
3. Accept that I am feeling this way and that it is my present emotional state. If I cant accept that this feeling is real, then how can I begin to take steps towards helping anything?
4. After sitting with the acceptance in the present moment, I determine what my next options are.
A. Sleep sleep and sleep some more
B. Cry cry and cry some more
C. Sink into myself completely and wonder what the purpose is. Wait for something to change.
D. Find something healthy I can do that MIGHT bring me even a centimeter of relief for a while.
This is where it gets tricky. Its certainly easier to give the illness what it wants and avoid taking any action to feel something different. Even moving from the couch to take a step onto the floor, and eventually outside, can feel like the most daunting task. It is always more reasonable in my mind in the midst of my illness, to stay still, in hopes that I can make it to the next second, and the next, and the next.
Is this really easier though? Is it really reasonable? It is if I want to be stuck. This illness will never magically disappear. It will never leave me without my taking these steps to help myself no matter how small. It will sit there and eat me alive. So this brings me to the next number:
5. I take it one very tiny step at a time. Move my foot off the bed and onto the floor. Then my legs. Then my torso and wow! I am standing up! Already I feel that tiny sense of empowerment within me.
6. Now Im facing my task. I am going to choose D from my options above. But not after considering once again all the reasons why it would be easier not to. Im going to do it anyways.
7. Often I dont believe that there is a single thing in this world that could bring me relief from my illness. So I fail to try to help myself look. But when I get off that bed and take it one step at a time outside and I breathe that first breath of fresh air into my lungs.... I feel a centimeter of lessened pain.
So ultimately yes acceptance has played a part in this struggle of mine. Sometimes saying to myself that I do feel this way and that it is valid and real, helps me to feel more at peace with it. It helps me to take ideal steps towards the fight. Sometimes its a win and sometimes its not. But at least in this scenario, stuck doesnt exist.
So what are your thoughts? Do you accept your depression? Do you fight it? Does it depend on the day and if so what are the factors present that tell you to either fight or accept? I want to hear what your personal steps are and how you came to find them!
Tagging the team just because :) <3
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@HeatherfeatherC
Really great post. So real. This is so much like me. The acceptance becoming the healer in moments works for a while doesn't it. But those moments where you cant find the energy or desire to move are awful how do we overcome those..feels like some days even just to succumb is progress maybe 😢
@diligentClementine3207
There will be days when you just wont be able to find the strength and that is ok. Its part of the reality of this. but that never takes away from the days you ARE able to find the energy to make that one small movement <3 Hang in there and keep reaching out
@HeatherFeatherc
I love this so much. You described what it's like so well.
It always helps when you realize someone out there knows exactly what you're going through. No one experiences depression the same way, but ultimately we can all relate in some way.
Thank you for posting this!
@HeatherfeatherC
Nicely done Heather :)
@HeatherfeatherC
Wow heather, I feel like I was on the journey through your day as I read your post. Really great insight and brilliantly put together.
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@Suranta
Great post. Makes so much sense to me too. Not boring at all! Write more!
I'd say that acceptance is something I might have to work on myself. I'm not even sure if I fight it either. For me I think it fades at times enough for me continue on and work through my pathetic life. It doesn sound like that counts as fighting. Maybe it just doesn't have such a strong hold on me.
It sounds so difficult when the depression is so strong within you that it takes away your motivation to even move. It's said that even the longest of journeys begin with a single step. I think acceptance is a solid implement in the fight against depression. In the grand scheme of things no step in any process is too small. Besides, it's not a race. Personal growth is set at our own pace and the results are only worth as much as the value we put on them ourselves.
Well written post Heather.
@HeatherfeatherC Thank you for this post Heather! I often find that balance is required in everything, and as much as I think we should keep fighting depression, acceptance is required to do so.
Nice Post, Thanks for sharing.
I agree with your Points mentioned in the post as i carry kind of similar views https://drsapnasharma.com/blog/causes-of-depression
First off, great post!! I relate to most of the things that you said and that made me feel like "finally!! Someone gets it!!" You know?
I think that its about balance between the two. Sometimes you fight it, but other times you just accept it and let it be. Like, some days I feel completely frustrated with it and just go 'nope! Not gonna let it take over today' and try and be as ignorant of the way I feel as I can. I keep muttering to myself that its okay, I am fine, I'm good. That kinda helps me. But sometimes I resign into this feeling and cry or shout as much as I want to. Or just stay there, completely silent.
But the most difficult part for me is not understanding my emotions and why I feel them. What do I feel even??
Sleep
@HeatherfeatherC Thanks. I have recently gone into "remission" if you would call it that. But thanks, for a great thread. I chose both. I chose to fight, because I was beginning to become suicidal, and I chose to accept it, because... because it sorta felt like forgiveness to me. I felt I was forgiving my mind and my soul. It felt right. God, I probably sound so cheesy rn. Whatever. LOLz
