Depression and losing a loved one

The last things I heard were three machines beeping: life, death and desperation. I begged the angels and gods not to take you. I pleaded the divinity to spare more time as if it is gift to be bestowed. But all were selfish, and none answered.

I watched as the once lively feet turn blue, I stared as the last waves of life come up, I listened as the last breaths were released. I was there, in body and soul – but you werent anymore. What one was full of life turned into an empty vessel. Dont go. Please dont go. I pleaded the gods but none answered.

My sadness betrays me. What is alive is now dead, what once was living is now dying. Guilt was a turmoil for me, it was my battleground, my biggest monster. In my hand are tears, in the other are my hopeless dreams. I asked the divinity to save me but none answered.

Grief came like a common friend- uninvited and rushing. It left me in a pool of tears, of emptiness and longing. Oh how shall I carry this burden? I cried to the eternal one but none answered.

I long for your hand, for the gentle soothe of your voice, for the little things you did for me. Oh I love you, I love you, I love you. I wish you hear it now. I would trade my thousand lives just to see you again, to feel you again, to hear you again. I am a madman turned crazy. I long for the dead. The dead doesnt long for me.

I soak at night in oceans of tears, desperate to bring your most vivid image in my mind. I am swirling in tornadoes of thought. Maybe, just maybe, all these regret will go away. Maybe in my wildest dreams weve lived a perfect life.

*** pardon my writing. i am writing in between tears and antidepressants