Don't want to die but want to stop existing.

Hi @NotEnough! I think that makes a lot of sense! I?ve always said, if I could choose one superpower, it would be to be invisible. Do you think it might be a matter of fearing judgement or consequences of actions?

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. I do not want to lose my life, I don't want to give up but sometimes I just don't want to carry on. I don't want to be me, I want to just disappear.

I totally understand. Something like a really long sleep without the nightmares and sudden awakenings at 2 AM. But I still wanna know what happens to everyone in the end, and I do want to be a part of that. So if time could just stop for a few days at the same moment I take a nap, that would be great.

I am new to this site and I think you expressed exactly what I have been thinking. I have had a lot of tough breaks in the last 5 1/2 years. To start the worse day of my life was 3/16/09 when my mother (my best friend) passed away. I was only 39 years old. It was always me and her against the world. She was a single mom most of my life, she struggled to give me everything (funny thing, back than I didn't realize what she was sacrificing for me). Once she passed away I move my grandfather, who was suffering from Alzheimer's from her house to mine. The following May my grandmother passed away in a nursing home, Every year since I have had to deal with the loss of a family member or friend's life.The final blow was when my grandfather passed away on 4/29/13. This caused a family fallout once his surviving children found out I was the executive and beneficiary of his will. As of 5/3/13 I have not talked to any of my family members. Two months ago, I read in the obituaries that my aunt (my mother's sister) passed away. Until that family falling out we were extremely close. No one ever called to tell me she was in the hospital and dying nor did they tell me after the fact so I could attend the services. I read it two weeks after the services. I am in a horrible situation at home. I currently have a person living with me that we were once involved for a short time a few years back. I have recently found out he has stolen $1000.00 from me which caused me to lose my car, added his name to my cell phone account and screwed that up, I am struggling mentally (diagnosed with bipolar II), struggling at work, struggling financially. I have a few very good friends but no family. I always thought I wanted to die, almost came close to attempting it twice, but at that time my grandfather needed me. A friend of mine attempted suicide earlier this week because she felt like a failure to her son. While I have said in the past I want to die, I to am afraid of death, but sometimes I think it would be better, then I remember death is final. I would never see my friends again, I would never see my beloved dog again. I would never have the chance to find my Mr.Right and get married. So trust me I understand that statement more than you know. Glad I am not alone in thinking that.

They are called Intrusive Thoughts. These are usually bad things, but you do not to act on them. I think about suicide even though it is against my spiritual beliefs. I have too much responsibility to my family to ever act on them , but they are still there. I really wouldn't want to die. I have depression and anxiety and when I watch the news I do Not know how to deal with the overwhelming sexism, racism and homophobia. Instead of suicide, I want to get a space ship and leave this world.

Right now, the new setup here, I am not allowed to have these feelings or talk about them to a listener being censored. Not cool.

I've been feeling like that for so long now, and this is the first time I've ever heard (read) someone else say that. Its like wanting a break from life.

I know this feeling so well. It's often a question I ask myself: if I were given the opportunity to just spontaneously stop existing today, would I? And 99% of the time, the answer is yes. There's definitely a part of me that wants to see what would happen if I could just disappear, and see how people would react (like that movie, what's it called...It's a Wonderful Life?). But that's not at the root of it.

At the core, I guess I'm just so often tired by the emotinality that comes with just existing, and the difficulty in controlling it after years of depression.

You are not alone. I've been there SO many times and it's a common place to be for people who are dealing with depression. I wish I had advice, but all I can say is the only thing that helped me was to find something to want to live for - but when you're at that level of depression, it can be really hard to find the motivation to do that. Ultimately, I had to keep trying different things and pushing myself until something clicked. I hope you find a way to climb out. <3

Hi, there! That makes a lot of sense.

I just want to let you know that it's okay to not feel okay... Your emotions are valid and completely understandable.

You are not alone.

I care about you and you matter to me.

I am not going anywhere and I'd love to help get you through this together. Feel free to private message me at anytime.

Same goes for ANYONE who is feeling the same way... I'd love to talk to you so that I can hopefully help you feel better!

I thought I was the only one out there that felt like this. I always think "will people notice if I'm not here anymore" or "will people even care"... I'm glad I'm not the only one