Exhaustion and Anhedonia
This is my first public post. I'm reaching out in hopes someone can help me out today.
My depression has been affecting me lately more than usual. Like a lingering cloud or something. I keep trying to get myself motivated, but nothing is making me happy. I can barely finish anything I start, if I finish it at all.
Last week at work was a rough one, and I've tried a lot of things to pick myself back up. I tried getting out and going to a party, I tried getting a massage, I tried meditation, I tried using my bullet journal, nothing is helping. It's almost as if I'm chasing something, some kind of greater knowledge or something. Idk.
Ive been depressed all of yesterday and today, I've tried telling myself that it's okay, that I need time to relax and let myself have a lazy day. But I hate spending my days off just sitting on the couch. And even if I get up and go out, I just end up back here.
If anyone has any recommendations to help I'd really appreciate it. I'm just tired of hearing the same old things from people who don't understand like "just get up and do something that makes you happy!" Or "don't be so hard on yourself!" Because those are two things I've really really been mindful of. I figured someone here might have some better insight.
@CatWine123
First let me say -- I hadn't heard the word "anhedonia" before and had to look it up. I have learned something new today -- and that's something I try to do everyday. If I learn something each day - I'm still growing, so thanks.
I get where you're coming from -- why isn't what I used to do making me happy? I can't answer that questions for myself, so I'm afraid I can't answer for you either.
I do applaud you for getting up and going and doing things -- that takes effort and energy, even if you end up back home, you managed to do something some of us can't bring ourselves to do. I still struggle... especially when I'm stressed ... to give a rats butt about things. Stepping back from whatever is overwhelming, to see over/around/beyond it, seems useless but then I have to remember - You have to eat the elephant one bite at a time. I don't find too many things "Fun" or "enjoyable" right now... but if I do stumble on something, screw what others think - enjoy it or at least get lost in it. I don't think you have to be productive or have something to show for your time -- that's something that gets ingrained in us and I think is actually to our detriment.
So you don't want to set on the couch and veg but you don't want to go and do something either. Listen to yourself and filter through the noise -- what are all those conversations saying. Is there one of them you can just single out and if it is productive do it? Is there one you can filter out that is useless and you can tell yourself - I don't need that one, time for it to leave. (Sometimes, putting the useless ones on billets and burning them is cathartic.)
People who say suck it, just do it -- they have NO CLUE. Scr** em, do what you want to do, when you want to do it and how you want to do it. Cut yourself some slack. We don't have to be happy all the d**n time either -- it's okay to be grumpy, angry, and whatever.
I'm sorry if this isn't helpful... I hope you find something that transcends your anhedonia.
