Feeling a little sad today? It's okay, let's be sad together.

@Laura

its good to be sad for no reason somedays, right?/

@Laura

My day job is burning me out. The majority of what I do is behind the scenes, so while it's important - for instance, making sure people get paid on time - it's largely ignored. When I do things well, my work is invisible. My work is only really seen when something goes wrong. My annual eval was last week and it was done badly. HR best practices = nothing should be a surprise, discuss behavior not personality, and give the person concrete goals. My eval = I was totally caught off guard by some of the feedback, one of the biggest things for me to work on is "enthusiasm" which is 100% about how my personality is perceived, and when I asked my supervisor to put that into concrete terms for me, she said she'd think about it. So, how do I reach a goal when I have no idea how it's being measured?

Also, as far as "enthusiasm" goes, it's a stupid criteria. I work in a department of complainers and one of my biggest critics has hardly shown one iota of "enthusiasm" for anything in the 5 years I've worked here. She complains, she says "no, I don't want to do that", and she fights change. And yet, I feel like I'm being compared to her on attitude and found lacking. What gives? I complain less, say "yes, sure I'll do that", and adapt to change constantly. How am I less enthusiastic than her?

I'm trying to get feedback from my supervisor so I know her expectations and can try to grow, but I'm getting zilch back. I talked with her about a couple of trainings I was interested in attending, but she says they're not appropriate because they're not directly related to my major areas of responsibility. Okay, fine. So what should I look for? Crickets so far. And, one of the things she mentioned about my "enthusiasm" was that others in my department show theirs by attending trainings. But, when I ask about trainings, I'm shut down. Everybody else's job is more respected than mine. I feel like chopped liver.

My fantasies these days are all about when I get another job and can leave this one. The day when I can walk out of here and never look back. The day when I no longer have to care about getting things done for these coworkers. The day I no longer have to face day after day of not being good enough. The day I no longer have to try and make nice with the coworker who I just can't get along with. The day when I no longer have to care about this job or my coworkers. The day when all of this is simply no longer my problem. That day is going to be a beautiful day.

What do you do when nothing seems to go right? When your life plan starts to look like a joke? When your demons are just everywhere. When you have nobody.

When you are alone so much that you're used to drowning alone.

When tears don't even flow anymore.

When it hurts so much.....that your numb to any emotions.

I'm a sad lime today, but at least I'm juicy.

So many uni projects and tests and stuff.
Losing all the people i worked so hard to build relationships with these past few years by failing uni.
All i've done these past 2 years was fail, fail and fail.
Family wishes they had someone else's kid instead of me.
And everything is getting worse and worse.
Awesome.
Rant over.

My crush doesnt know I exist plus hes younger than me.I am awstruck and I dont want to do or say just starting blank at space. I am not fashionable and I am jealous of them,its a bad disease I have. I dont have job and my mom is super controlling I dont want to do design and she doesnt listen. We are close and we dont talk about the deep issuse which are bothering me and which are im[portant to address.

I AM A LOSER AND WANT TO BE INVISIBLE.AT THE REUNION NO BODY REMEMBERS ME BECAUSE I AM UGLY,A WRECK,DISORGANISED,NOT CONVENTIONAL,AND I WANT TO RETURN TO MY COUNTRY AND BE INVISIBLE.

Pretty much all I do anymore is work, school, and workout and I guess I'm just feeling a bit burned out at the moment. It was really tough getting out of bed this morning and I still feel exhausted (could be a side-effect to my medication). I also really miss my one friend who doesn't seem to want to talk to me much anymore, and I know it's because of a specific thing I said to her in the past. I apologized once and she accepted but I still don't think it was enough since things still seem off between us. I just can't stop dwelling on it every day and it really gets me down.

I MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OUT OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF MY CRUSH.

My heart is shattered over my divorce

Well, I guess I'm part of that party today. I'm struggling with letting go and moving on and have been for awhile. All I can see right now is shame and self blame. Shame for still caring and self blame for the ways I continue to keep myself attached to others who have long moved on from me. It's a vicious cycle I want to end, but I'm very discouraged and I seem to only repeat my long time acknowledged mistakes, which end up hurting me. I can't talk to anyone about it because I know they would judge me if they knew I still struggle. I've reopened a wound yesterday and it's like it's happening to me all over again. I'm losing him all over again by my stupid decisions to stay attached. I can't even feel sorry for myself anymore, I'm the one to blame this time.

However, in spite of that feeling, I know I'm incredibly tough on myself and blame myself for everything that goes wrong. The only sympathy I can give myself is knowing how many mind games were played throughout the years...maybe that's why I still hold on. Maybe I thought there was still hope (heaven only knows how many times I thought I lost him and then things were back to normal or maybe I was still expecting an apology, who knows?)...I know today that isn't true. There will be no reunion, no apology, no acknowledgement of pain inflicted, no remorse. Nothing.

The biggest problem I face with moving on is, I feel I have no place to move on from, no refuge or sanctuary. I almost openly welcome any physical ailments if it could only give me a few moments of relief from my mind. But it doesn't...it never does.

But I'm starting the process again today, maybe this time I'll be able to truly say, "it's over". I hope so...that's all I can do.

*sighs*