I am NOT dead

A year ago when I first opened up to someone about my depression they told me that all depression ended in suicide. They left me feeling like my mental state was a fatal illness. In that moment and the past year I lived like it was. I held the right people close and I made myself someone I could spend my last moments with. My anxiety faded as I accepted my fate as someone who just COULDN'T live a full life. I came on here and became a listener and inadvertantly helped myself as my life became about helping others. I got an amazing girlfriend who is getting me out of my abusive home. I made my life the way I wanted it to be when I left. I have turned my life around because I was so ready to die. I was so ready to die that I'm getting better and I don't know how but I think I'm starting to feel happy again and I just want to find that boy that I haven't talked to in years and tell him: I am happy. I am still depressed, and I still self-harm sometimes, my head is still crowded, and I still have trouble talking. I still have trouble smiling. But I am happy, and on my way to free, and maybe, maybe, even on my way to a long time of not dead.