I first noticed I was living with depression when......

I first noticed 2 years after my uncle died. His death hit me hard i was actually the one finding him dead and i was 9.... He was like my only friend. Ive always had trouble with my self esteem and not being good enough for anyone, i had no friends in school. After that it just got worse and it still is. When i got older i realized this is a problem and i cant live with that... Its been 5 years since he died and Ill always blame him for everything no matter what

I honestly don't know where to start.. I've been bullied all my life because of the colour of my skin.. Because I was quite and kept to myself.. I was different and didn't dress in the highest clothing... I have... Sever social social anxiety... And I already know I've had depression from the start.. I began to think it was a type of depression.. Or bipolar disorder... Because of how fast things make my emotions change.. And it ruins alot of the relationships I build with people. Significant others or just friends.. Alot of people don't like to listen to me.. Because when I do speak.. I think Im annoying and talk too much... There was a time period where I wouldn't go outside.. Didn't sleep.. Didn't eat.. Didn't go anywhere.. But to bed and stayed there.. All day everyday.. I had no purpose or no use to get outside.... I hated my life... And I still do... Nothing really changes that thought in my head.. Sometimes.. I just get inside of that little bubble.. And I can't get out... Nothing helps... Not even myself...

In high school. I was extremely reluctant to say that I was depressed though because idk... that voice that tells you you're just awful and there's not actually anything wrong with you has always been strong with me.

I didn't realize that what I was feeling for years was depression, but I understood it was when I ran away. I was 14. Things got more and more difficult for me at home, and I tried to end my life. Needless to say that after evaluation by a psychiatrist at the children's hospital, I was diagnosed with major depression. To this day, I still live with it, and I'm over 30.

I first noticed about a year ago when I started doing research about it because my (now ex) girl friend has anxiety and self harmed, and I found that a lot of the symptoms and descriptions applied to me. But after I thought about it, I realized that I got it in 2008 and it just gradually got worse. In 2008 I had four family members die, and since I was 8 years old at the time, it made a bigger impact than it usually would. I started wondering who was going to die next and thought it was an every few month occurrence. So I started distancing myself from people I loved to try and lessen the pain if they died. I still have anxiety about death, not my own, but other people's. I can't stand losing anyone anymore. That was way more than just when I found out, but if I just said "oh yeah 2008 everything changed" then it would make no sense. Also this site is here for people to open up and get help I guess :/

I first noticed I was living with depression when my mum told me so. I was too young to realize it myself, I didn't think it was possible for me to have depression when I wasn't even a teenager yet. It all started when I turned 9, it was the last time I saw my (then) step dad. After I had gone to bed my older sister gathered the courage to tell our mother that he had been sexually abusive towards her for 4 years at that point. She kicked him out immediately. I wasn't allowed to know much about it at first since it could easily have traumatized me, but I remember when me and my brother were allowed to know everything about why he was kicked out. He got away with everything he did. I think I would be better off now if he hadn't, at least then he would be in jail and I would have some sort of closure. I have repressed memories of all the years that he lived with us and a few years after that but I am slowly getting my memory back. In two days it will have been exactly 6 years and 8 months since I last saw him, for most of this time I have been obsessed with wanting to remember, needing to remember. I don't know if he ever molested me, my old therapist thinks that he did not and I instinctively want to side with her but my mum thinks he might have, it would explain the repressed memories and it was obvious that even if he never did anything to me (other than verbal abuse) he had been planning to. I don't really know what to do now, I'm just doing my best trying to live.

It started in he roughest school year of my life- 3rd grade. I went to a private top notch school with nobody to talk to because my only friend left that school and none of the other kids wanted to talk to me because I was really mature for my age and they just didnt understand me. Along with insane amounts of homework and a constant medical problem that wouldnt go away until 4 years later, I was so overwhelmed that I started to feel nothing but at the same time everything. Fast forward to about 2 years ago, I realized that all this time, I couldnt even identify my severe depression, self-harm, and anxiety. So for about half my life I had no idea how to comprehend my worsening mental state. And thats when I knew- it took me years of silent pain to realize that this is not how I am supposed to be thinking.

And sadly, Ive only gotten worse.

I think I had depression as a child but I didn't recognize that my mood was constantly low until I got into a bad relationship with an abusive partner in my early 20s. I went to a Dr and was diagnosed with major depression.

When I was in university. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't concentrate on classes. Couldn't stop ruminating.

I really, really wanted to kill myself and intentionally stepped into oncoming traffic. When the car screeched, I thought to myself 'this is bad and I need help' .