I first noticed I was living with depression when......

When I was younger and something stressful would happen, I would think about how much easier it would be if I didnt exist at all. I knew logically that I shouldnt feel that way. I knew my family struggled with depression. I knew it would come for me too. Once I was 17 it came at me with all its might. I am almost 20 now and its still here.

When I first quit trying to relate or socialize with others. Being sick so long I didnt leave my house for along time. The first time I tried to get out I took my daughter to Sunday school.

When I was holding a tiny miracle in my arms but felt numb, functional, sad and nothing more.

When I was sitting at a table in McDonald's with my two young children and husband in tears for no reason.

When the simplest things that used to make me happy became impossible to love. And the will to do anything was a daily struggle.

When days just vanished, yet seemed to take forever to pass!... And when my Mum (long term depressed herself) just randomly said we are going somewhere and that ended up being the Docs.

When I started to feel empty and passionless in comparison to everyone else

Everything would just get all fuzzy. The only thing that would bring me back was self harm. Ive never been suicidal and Im still not, but it just felt like all my feelings had left me and the only thing I was capable of feeling was physical pain. Im 14 now and its been going on for about 3 years.

When I would just keep myself busy so that I have something to do and not stay at home where all my negative thoughts tend to accumulate faster. If I have none planned for the day, I just sleep in until noon or longer to make the day go faster.

I stopped feeling emotion