I first noticed I was living with depression when......

I didn

When I felt so absolutely alone in the world. It was as if there was no one to talk to, no one who understood... I still feel that way sometimes, even when I know it's not true. I felt so alone, and I didn't want to get out of bed or change into clothes other than pajamas... I cried myself to sleep many nights, often for simple things.

I was too young to remember. I have been depressed since I was a child.

When I hated myself , when I felt devestated, when I cried everyday , when the pain on my chest was constant, we I felt like dying, when I can not see any positiviness with my life, when no one loves me, when I hated everything around me.... when I noticed my life had ended from the inside !!!

I realized how much I loathed myself..

Emptiness, despondency and dejection.

When I first felt depression I didn't understand. I was a child suddenly not interested in anything I loved, and I hated everything and everyone. I don't think I truly understood until around middle school.

I was misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia at 15, my life got so out of control that I became suicidal. I now realize, as an adult, that this dark cloud has always been floating above me. Blocking the light from my life. I was just to afraid to look up.

For me it is the fatigue. I was too tired to do anything, even simple tasks like doing the dishes. Everything just became too much to handle and my every last breath felt like climbing up Mt. Everest even if it was just walking a few feet. I felt constantly miserable and unproductive and like I was living in a revolving cycle of meaningless activities and just going through the motions.

Strange story actually. I have had hidden depression sense I was little. I didn't know it though, I just thought it was normal for everyone to feel this sad and getting bored with things I liked easily. Sense I didn't go to daycare or kindergarten (I'm homeschooled) I didn't have anyone else to look at for this information. So, when I was 13 ish, I was role-playing with my girlfriendend (meaning each of us have a character or more then one character and act out what they are doing, pretend to be the character) so, one of her characters was upset and ran away, mine blaming herself for all of it, even though it wasn't her fault. My GF then paused and asked, "Hey, does your character have depression?..." . Now, at the time, this confused me, sense I didn't exactly understand depression very well. I told her I was just acting like how I would act. She explained how my actions were very much like version of depression. And that's how I discovered I had hidden depression.