I first noticed I was living with depression when......

I have been battling with depression since I was a teen, and to be honest in still battling it because just when I think I finally have a handle on it, something happens and then I feel like I've lost all the control I worked so hard to get.

I was 9 years old

Nearly everyday of my life i feel like im always hiding behind a mask and digging my own grave. Im always seen as a smiling happy person and no one thinks otherwise or at least no one is ever close enough to notice the fragile me holding on to my mask trying to fit in. I only started to really notice how sad i was when i

I feel weak, a pushover, easily manipulated, naive, and used. And i only make it worse for myself

When I found out it's not normal for a nine year old to want to stab them selves

When I didn

@Laura, when I couldn't pick myself up from the floor after a day of crying and reflection. I realized I stopped encouraging myself to move forward and just stayed behind so literally I knew that's what I was doing and didn't try to change it at all. I stayed there, on the floor, then without a home for several months, then life got messier, and it seems to be just now that I have found the strength to be the fearless woman I once was. It's been years since that day and I just got up finally. There's a few hurdles now and again but forward is my only go to now.

My writing felt blah and my boyfriend at the time could not cheer me up.

When I was like 12 or something I just started to feel sad. I didn't talk anymore, didn't enjoy the things I used to enjoy. I felt upset about the smallest things. Some people were concerned about me and that's kinda when I found out I had it. I have gone to so many doctors and psychologists but nothing really helped.

When I had something to be overjoyed about but I couldn't feel anything but ache and post stress burnout.