If you have time, please help me
Hello :) i'm new here. I have something on my mind for a while now and it is bothering me a lot so i think i need other people's help to figure out an answer.
This is about my friendships throughout the years. I'm in college now. I'm studying abroad far away from my family. When i first came here I had a friend. She was really good to me. She gave me advices about my problems in life. I trusted her and told her almost everything. Sometimes i treated her not right, like i was annoyed and said sthmean to her, but she didn't say anything. After a while, i learned that she actually did complain about me with other people. But at the same time, she still treated me normally. When i found out, I was very upset. I felt betrayed. I trusted her. This incidence changed me a lot. I didn't know whether to stay friends with her or not. At some points, i thought that i also treated her wrong sometimes so this should be forgotten. Everybody makes mistakes. But i can't look at her the same after that anymore. Maybe i'mbeing petty, i don't know. We did meet and talk about this. We did say sorry to each other. But for me it was just to solve the conflict. We didn't stay friends after that. Now we are just acquantances. Then i made another close friend. We've been friends for 2 years now. This year we don't study together a lot anymore and she made some new friends. It's fine at first. But now she seems to be closer with her new friend more and i'm started to be scared to lose her. I only have 1 or 2 people that i can comfortably called as friends, you know. So losing one for me is horrible. I'm so afraid now, what if i loseher too? Am I that bad a friend? :( After the first incidence i lost a lot of confidence about myself. I feel very bad about myself. I feel like everything i did to other people was wrong and i will do wrong again. I live very isolated now. I don't hang out with a lot of people. I will talk normally when i meet them but i try not to reach out anymore.I don't want to draw attention to me anymore. I don't want to make other mistakes and hurt other people's feeling anymore. That's why i'm very nervous about losing this friend too. She's kindathe only friend i have now. If i lose her too then i will have no friend left. Other people will really think there is something wrong with me that i can't stay friend with anyone. What should i do now?
This is the first time i have tried a forum like this. Please tell me your honest opinion. I am very willing to change. I have changed a lot according to my mom. I am trying everyday to be a better person. I just don't know what is wrong with me :(
listen.. relax... there is nothing wrong with u. u are over thinking here. the thing is we cannot make people like us or stay friends with us. it's there choice.so stop thinkinking about that. at the max u can become a good friend. be available to her. help her whenever she needs u. and stay honest with ur feelings and let her decide whether she wants to be urfriend or not. and talk to more people also because the people who don't have many friends they don't talk with much people. so whenever u want somebody to be ur friend just become that persons friend and he/she will become ur friend in return. most of the times in life we get what we give. so give ur friendship and get somebody's in return... best of luck..god bless u.
Thank you CHETAN :) i really appreciate your advice.
Hi...i had a frnd for 9 yrs...we were really good frnds...the bst of frnds as we say...but then she left me...she had her own reasons...i tried to talk to her nd change her mind but to no avail....so i was in depression... Kindof...for 3 months...but my mother helped me...nd she told me that i had some flaws...i changed for good... Nd then i made 2 new frnds...3 of us used to hang out a lot, do a lot of fun, share everything... Nd much much more...then we had to part ways cz of different areas of interest... They went to different places...nd i also had to move...so they made new frnds nd started ignoring me...kindoff...at the starting everything was good...like we used to call each other once in a week nd all...but as time passed things changed...actually a lot...then at the present...the condition is that we don't even know how everyone is doing... Everyone has become self centered...i tried to sort out things but then no use...we said sorry to each other nd promised to get back...but its the same...jst the same.. So i guess it is a part of life...nd we learn to move on as we grow...nd i did...i was a very week person... Emotionally...nd i used to get insecure very soon...but now i have changed for the good nd hardly care.. If anybody has interest they will show it...otherwise jst let it go.. So i would jst like to say to u my friend that u need to believe in urslf..trust urslf...nd love urslf...if anybody likes u..nd want to b frnds wid u...they will automatically come to u...so don't worry nd keep going on...because life never stops for anyone. Bst of luck...!!!
Thank you jahnavi for your sharing :) god bless u too. Hope you find some good friends of your own too :)
It hardly matters to me now...u knw...i am in a habit of living alone... But thanku so much...god bless u too. :)
I feel very similar to how you do and I only really have one friend, and i am assuming I'm younger than you. I feel very paralyzed trying to talk to people or be around them, but they're are a couple people I feel are concerned about me and we will become friends soon. You want to be who you are with your friends, and I think it really is a leap of faith. That you must go forward and communicate with people and see how they are with you. You would only want people who are good to you and you relate with to be your friends, so then being open and yourself is the best course. Sure not everyone will like everyone else, you want to be comfortable with people you like, and taking the first steps are always the hardest. As to hurting them, having a normal friendship is probably just based on reciprocity on a social level. They tell you problems and what they're thinking, so you listen and they listen to you in return. I normally have a problem with being insidiously hurtful not on the surface level, and I really hate it, it's what my parents do...but just strive to be good to those who would be good to you, and be open with talking about things. In my experience people could take an interest in and care about you, and it might not be clear why. I hope you feel better. Things never seem to be quite the same once they go beyond a certain point: certain experiences can change you a lot. I see people at my school who seem sad or have problems and it deeply upsets me. I do really hope you find a good friend.
thank you chasem007 for reading and sharing with me :) im trying everyday now to connect with other people although i get really nervous thinking about that. I will try to get out of this phase and hope things will get better. I really do hope you find good friends to rely on too 'cause i know how lonely it could feel having noone there. Thank you again :)
