I'm so exhausted agian
M32
I'm at the point again where I'm just about to give up again. I'm mentally exhausted and on the verge of just giving up again.
Been struggling with severe depression, anxiety and a avoidant personality disorder since my teens. I have 3 suicide attempts behind me. I have no friends, family which is pretty much dysfunctional or doesn't care to much about each other other than that I'd they need help about something.
I keep everything for myself, none of my family members knows about my attempts.
A year ago my gf left me, I had to find my own place. She ment the world to me, I screwed it up because I went listening and had a alcohol abuse which I used to just forget how I really felt.
Just to make a story short, shitty childhood, abusive father both psychically and mentally that kept telling one how much of a failure I were. Mother who kept trying and is stil a part of my life.
I live in Denmark, and I'm current working towards something that's called Flex, which is for people who can't work as much as the used to and stil gives a somewhat decent salary. Hopefully om gonna get it permitted within a few months from the government which is gonna increase my income by a significant amount compared to what I'm getting tight now on welfare.
I just keep going to work every other day with a smile on my face, chatting and playing pranks on the teenagers coworkers like I'm okay, a few days before that I had on suicide attempt. If everyone else around me feels comfortable and safe I'm good, but as soon as I get home the world breaks down on me again. I feel like nothing and start to think about all the mistakes I did in life, I'm in debt, in driver's license, I can't own anything because of my debt which I'm not gonna be able to pay of ever. What could u possibly offer to another human being which is this case a girlfriend? I have a daughter which I have spoken to in years.
I just feel lost, like I'm spinning my wheels going nowhere again, and I'm scared.
Please don't give me some auto reply thingy, that's not that I need right now. To be fair I don't know what I need.
Sorry for the long post.
Hey. I'm not sure how to help you, because I am not from Denmark (though, a fellow European here ;), but I just want to tell you that you are not alone with the feeling. I had also a hard past, weird family - to say the least - and I had also a lot of feelings about suicide like that. All I can say that if you need to vent to someone or something, I'm there to listen - and also there are a lot of listeners there which might help you. You are not alone with this. Did you try to look into this: https://www.livslinien.dk/ ? This looks like a page in Danish which might help you.
Sending you a lot of love and warm thoughts through these dang hard times. Please stay strong.
@liprug also, don't be sorry for long posts. The 7Cups exists actually for that ;)
@liprug
Hello, my name is Alaya. I really cannot even imagine how difficult and painful it must be for you. It sounds like you feel tired and frustrated of facing and dealing with these mental health issues for so long. I have struggled with depression and eating disorder for a few years and it was extremely painful, tiring and frustrating. I cannot even imagine how difficult it must to be dealing with even more disorders. It's natural to feel tired since it takes up so much of our energy. Being in a dysfunctional family on top of everything does sound very difficult. I would've felt scared in your place to. I appreciate you at least sharing your feelings with us on the forum and at least trying to seek help. Even taking this step takes a lot of courage. I'd love to chat with you and listen more to how you feel if you'd like as I hope that'll help in relieving some pain. I'll try my best to be there for you. We can even schedule a time to chat. Please feel free to reach out and let me know how you feel about it. Take care!
