It's getting more and more difficult.
I've been doing therapy for a good number of years now, and lately I've been having doubts that I can even be helped. Everything seems like such a hassle now. It takes a while to want to leave bed. When I'm on the track to improving my eating habits, I fall off in a few days because everything else is overwhelming me. Even driving is too much for me now. I hate going outside.
Like I said, I don't think I can be helped. It goes beyond just feeling depressed and unmotivated. I don't have a very positive outlook on life. There was a time when I was ashamed to admit it. I thought I was weak for hating the way the world worked, so much so I tried to force myself into believe everything was better than it was, but eventually I couldn't anymore. I started embracing the anger I had.
I won't spill out everything I feel, but I'll tell you that my worldview is incredibly bleak. It's not something I can push to the back of my mind by just "looking on the bright side". I hate this world and the very concept of life itself. And I mean I really, really hate it. I see human life as a prison, and I so badly want to escape from it. Though I mostly just want to dismantle it out of spite, because I feel duped into thinking people were better than what they actually are.
It sounds like that you are feeling really discouraged and frustrated with therapy and human life in general. You feel as if human life is a prison and it's to the point where you feel overwhelmed that you have difficulties improving your eating habits and that you are not so much interested in driving now as much as you used to be. I understand how this makes it difficult for you and where you have the feelings of not wanting to get out of bed right away. What is going on in the world right now makes life difficult. And I understand why you hate going outside. I understand how this angers you especially since you are feeling unmotivated, discouraged and depressed. Sometimes it is hard to see the positive in things and to keep the faith in ourselves and in the world as well. And it is tough dealing with this especially after getting duped by people like that.
@JaMc1991-just letting you know I hear you. If we can simple get up out of bed every day- it is a bonus. And omg- to eat a simple meal and take a shower- 4 star day. You really are not alone here. Join us in some of the support chats or look up a listener that seems to ring true for you. There are many that understand how you feel. Please take care.