Just putting this out there. Bad day.

Just putting this out there. Keeping it in my head makes me feel worse. Maybe it's just me. This is going to be confusing and I am sorry.

The feeling of worthlessness, emptiness, and absence of motivation has been setting in quite frequently lately. I am nearing my finals, and my graduation is in two months. I don't know if I can even graduate, even if I do make it out of here I am no A-student, maybe not even a B.

I feel inferior to everybody else. I don't deserve anything because I did nothing to contribute to the world. I have given my all in my studies, chasing a dream that doesn't belong to me. But I can never understand educational materials like my peers do. They can understand it in just one example, while I still see question marks floating around after the fifth explanantion.

Ever since I was young I have been artistically inclined, but am also eager to learn about science. It fascinates me, like a puzzle piece fitting in it's rightful place. I see the world differently whenever someone shares an idea. I love that.

Maybe it started with my dad, who would yell at me when I couldn't understand a simple math question. Maybe it was that one time he almost punched me? Maybe it was the frustrated sighs from my friends, and the raise of their voices when I ask them to help me. Maybe it was the look of disappointment, then resignation, in my teachers' eyes. It made me terrified at the idea of asking for help from people. I wouldn't want to be a burden to them. I wouldn't want to take up their time, time that they can use to do something better than to explain theories or lessons to a ... whatever I am.

I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me?

Maybe I am just not cut out to be magnificent. I am not going to make a mark in this world. I am nothing but a person who just roams the world. I don't deserve anything beautiful in this world, I can't take anything because I haven't given anything.