Last Year I Accomplished…
Living with depression is dreadful and we often forget that our illness isn't really us. It is part of our existence, but it doesn't define our personality, our quirks and kindness. We are more than the sadness which consumes our heart and mind.
The years of our lives are made both of heartbreaking, painful moments and of little victories, glowing times of love and success when we achieve peace, despite everything. So what did you accomplish last year? Despite the dread, the tears, the hopelessness? In what way did you leave a print on these past months? It can be big, it can be small mark - the most important thing is that it's completely your own.
I love to hear your stories, fellow warriors. Stay safe ❤️
TW: suicide, self-harm
I have two things that I accomplished last year. The first one is proving that I am able to work in the chosen profession with my illness. I worked with the national team on the art project which was exhibit at the famous world festival. It was stressful and wonderful and terrifying, but I did it. I learned so much thanks to this job and I'm grateful for that brief moment when I was brave enough to apply for it.
The second, even more important accomplishment, is that I didn't harm myself. I had a suicidal thoughts and self-harm urges for the whole Summer and Autumn, but thanks to the 7Cup community and the helpline imalive.org I didn't act on them. It was excruciating hard and hopeless, but I've made it through. I'm proud that I have endured to 2016 safe and sound. Knowing that I have survived all of these darkness, this misery gives me hope that I can make it even further.
Tagging invitation: @Lyra @Pam @Cadence @discreetAcres6234 @Monarda @Bonnieheart @Squib
@Celaeno
last year, I fought, beyond all recognition. My battles were so great, the odds were against me, despite the odds I'm here! Battle accomplished but the war isn't over, so I continue to fight, I just prey my efforts are worth the battle, I don't quite know right now ?
@navyTortoise5674, the war may not be over, but the war doesn't count here. You are the one who matters, you deserve the rest and quietude of mind, and all of the self-care that is left in the world. You are so strong for making it through. I'm proud of you.
*hugs tightly*
I accomplished getting help when I needed it. I was reluctant but it helped me get back to a functioning level again. 
@SilentSerenityy, that's amazing! I know how much bravery it took to ask for the help. Depression may fool us that it's attention seeking, but we don't have to show inhuman strength. When we are in pain, we ask for help, it's that simple.
I'm really proud of you, lovely. I wish you more good days than bad ones in this new year ❤️
*hugs*
(TW: Self harm, suicide)
Last year, I was suicidal for nearly all of the year. My hair pulling had gotten so bad that there was a huge bald spot on my head. I was in a state of panic because I couldn't do anything destructive to myself. But I made it through relatively well. I'm still in that mindset and I have now started self harming again but I'm planning on getting help this year.
@Monarda, I believe in you and your strength. You are more experienced now, you are aware that the pain and urges are not your fault. It is a way to survive in the settings of unbearable dread. You can cope with it and survive through everything. It will be difficult, but not possible. You've already proved to yourself that you're capable of using better coping skills. You are hurt, but not broken - you will heal in time.
We are here for you, you're not alone in this hard battle. We have your back, lovely.
*hugs*
I feel like I have a few accomplishments. I smile thinking about them.
My first would be my trip to Canada to visit my best friend. I had never flown alone on a plane before. I hadn't even been on a trip anywhere by myself before. So spending 14 hours traveling so far away was a crazy scary experience. I didn't sleep at all the night I was meant to be flying out. I stayed up all night trying to make my anxiety calm down. The feeling I had was awful and I kept researching how to cancel my tickets and get my money back. But I didn't cancel my tickets, I actually went. And the strong anxiety faded as I got on the first plane. That was a huge accomplishment for me.
Another would be moving all the way to London for university. It was a huge change to move away from my family and everything I was familiar with but it's better this way. I wanted this and I went after it. The fear was strong but I left home anyways despite all of that. I worried that I would come here and hate it, hate my courses, hate being here alone, but I don't. I love being in a city where I feel like I fit in more than I did back home.
These were huge steps out of my comfort zone into the unknown, but I'm glad I made them.
@discreetAcres6234, I'm happy that you've joined this thread! I can see that the last year was all about traveling for you ^^ You've overcome your anxiety and the fear of unknown. You actively decided that you want to experience these new things and that is something connected to your true identity, not the disorder.
I'm so much proud of you, because I know how stressful trips are - and moving out especially. You've get through all of it with bravery and integrity. Already in 2016 you're stronger than the year before and that's awesome ^^
All my love!
@Celaeno thank you C :) It was a big year for drastic change and it all happened at once. It was overwhelming but I survived, which is a good thing. I faced reality head on and refused to give into the intimidation of the situations I was in.
I can't help but feel like I have very few accomplishments though. I feel like others can list more things than I can. It kinda sucks that I don't have more things to feel happy about and proud of. It's like I spend most of my time drifting, not really doing anything significant.
@discreetAcres6234, your year was already full of accomplishments - you didn't just flew over Canada, but: you setup a meeting, booked your tickets, plan the trip, packed your luggage, get over anxiety, resist the temptation to give up, battle the sleepless nights, say goodbyes, arrive at the airport, checked-in baggage, pass the find the terminal, boarded a plane alone, experience the flight alone, landed and exit, and millions of other things, not mentioning the sightseeing itself. And all of those wonderful memories...!
You have lots of reason to be proud of yourself, darling. And I didn't even start to describe your moving in to London! You mentioned only these two accomplishments, but I can bet everything that there weren't the only thing in 2015 you've experienced. You did lots of things - maybe only these two (which are huge deals for there own, to be honest), but also loads and loads of smaller ones. They can be less spectacular, so they can get away through the cracks in the memory, but that doesn't they don't matter. Every time you decided to socialize despite your loneliness, it was a victory. When you felt low, but still put on clothes and walk out from the house. When you took deep breaths and calm yourself during an anxiety attack. When you reach out to someone, instead of holding your emotions to yourself. When you learned something amazing during your lectures. When you did something nice for yourself. When you cuddle your cat and thought how much appreciate their presence with you. When you cope after an argument with parents. When you decide to keep on trying and hope.
You don't have to legitimize your achievements by listing all of them, darling. Your worth is unquestinable.
*hugs*
Apologize for all of the spelling and grammar mistakes - it's already late in my place and I think it's time for me to go to bed ^^; All the best!
@Celaeno wow, you are really good at seeing the small things that I don't see. How do you do that? It's amazing.
You've pretty much left me speechless with this so all I can really say is thank you for seeing me in this way :)
I thought of another cool thing that happened in 2015. I met Tyler Oakley at his book signing. I was so nervous because I was going there alone but there wasn't a moment where I thought about not going, I was determined to go, there were no doubts in my mind. It was a bit scary at first but then it happened and I came home and literally sat on the floor because I was so lost in that whole experience (also because I got a bit lost on the way to the venue and my feet were killing me so the floor looked like a good place for me to sit, rest, and enjoy my moment of being starstruck.) He was so sweet :) Maybe if I ever meet him again I'll actually hug him since I was too nervous to hug him.
*hugs* love you C!
Last year I accomplished a lot, starting with working very hard to respond to the worst of many depressive episodes in my life. I found help here, found a therapist, reached out to some people (all of whom promptly moved away :P )
I also shepherded through a curriculum change at the school where I teach that had been talked about for 25 years but always had foundered over a host of objections.
Most of all, I change my orientation towards myself. I took on a larger goal with my depression than merely becoming "functional." I chose to take actually thriving as my objective. That is perhaps my biggest accomplishment. A few days ago I spoke to the therapist I had 10-15 years ago and she was blown away by what I've been able to do.
@squib, so many achievements! From the professional one with changing the curriculum for the better after years of advocating it, from the personal ones which, I have to be honest, inspire me. You've realized yourself how much you've grown in the short span of 12 months and that's the most important thing. People may moved away, therapists will change, but you proved that changing attitude towards oneself is gaining the best ally of all.
I aspire to follow your steps and be more than functional human. Like yourself, I want to thrive and grow and excel myself with every passing day. I'm so happy that you shared the part of your story. I'm much grateful that you found this community and that I found you here ^^ You're the best!
@Celaeno, firstly, thank you for the tag (I have a secret love of being tagged in things)!
But, hm, what did I accomplish this year? A lot.
1. I got a job. Sure, it's at a restaurant, and there's a stigma that comes with that; however, it's a college job, and I actually really adore working there. I'm one of the people with the most hours, and I know how to do everything they throw at me, despite only being there for a short time.
2. I fell in love. I fell in love with someone who did not want to be loved, who couldn't really comprehend what love was, who consistently loved other people at the same time. But I fell wholeheartedly in love. And that's hard for me to do. He made my life amazing for a long while, and I'm indebted to him. It ended horribly, but those few months were an accomplishment.
3. I got an adopted sister. Well, not in the typical sense, really. But @ZaraSmiles has occupied a huge part of my heart; it's hard for me to call someone a sister, but despite being nearly polar opposites in everything we do (save for forum involvement), she's absolutely my twin, my lovely sister.
4. I designed the front pages of my university's newspaper. Third in command. Hella impressive for a sophomore.
5. I've helped so many people here. Be it in forums, in PMs, in the feed, in the chatroom, I've really made last year all about members. I've found a different purpose in this site; it's so easy to get wrapped up in site politics, but I've found that my interests lie not within the listeners (for the most part, though they are really lovely), but the members.
6. I didn't relapse. In six months, I'll be five years clean from self harm.
7. I didn't give up. I had every single reason to, but I didn't.
Great work, @Cadence! I can see that you were busy making your life awesome and loving, just like you hope for. You've put such a lot of time to help others - in this community, in relationships, even in your jobs! And you let yourself heal and keep on thriving. I'm so proud of every day that you saved from the pain o relapse. It's a golden victory for you.
*hugs*
I think you know yourself a lot better now, after gathering so many achievements and memories, so I think you can tackle this new year with all of the energy that spring from your heart ^^ Stay wonderful!
Last year I finally faced a painful truth in my life, one I'd buried deep, and one that has taken me to the brink. I've had a couple of false dawns since, but I can now see that the pain was necessary, and that there is a future. And that future can be brighter for not carrying this heavy burden. I still feel I'm at the early stages of a long journey, but thanks to that first step last year, I'm on the right road.
@BestIcanbe, those realizations can be difficult and painful to make. I can see that you have experienced a lot of hardships last year and beyond that. But your strength and wisdom shines through your words. I am more than certain you are on the right way to recovery and you will arrive at your chosen destination.
Remember that we are here to help you carry your burden. We can support you when you want to lay down and rest. All my love, lovely.
*hugs*
@Celaeno
Thank you. I've read many of your posts, and you're both an inspiration and support.
I'm returning the hugs x
