Lying to everyone
I have been living a lie for a year I am a medical student I should have been graduated by now but I didn't but I have been constantly lying to my family and friends that I did. I don't want to be a doctor I never wanted to I did it because my mom and dad asked me to it was their dream and now I don't have any dream of my own. I hate myself for what I have become I was a good student but now essentially I am just a husk ..I don't want to be a burden on my parents anymore I don't know who to talk to or how to. I am just tired now and I cry almost everyday alone but I can't do it when I talk to mom and dad or anyone else. I created this shell of 'nothing affecting me' and I am dying inside it.
@shyCup3714
Hey, let's talk about this.
First, can I tell you how brave you are? Coming on and saying this at all is an immense feat of strength in and of itself. I know we're strangers, but I wanna just take this moment to say that I'm really, very proud of you - I know it can take a lot to come out and say something like this.
I'm so, so sorry to hear what you're going through. It sounds like a lot... is there maybe any way you can talk to your parents about this? I don't mean to sound insensitive in any way about this, but I know that I've had situations I've dreaded to tell my parents about. Once I finally worked up the courage to talk to them about it, they were more than understanding - and so, so willing to help.
Your parents might not be the same. They might react even better! You know that better than I do. But if you feel that - at the very least - it would be safe for you to do so, it wouldn't hurt to consider. It may even feel safe and you decide against it. That's really okay, too!
I see you're a student - do you have any kind of counselor or therapist you can consult with about this on campus? Any classmates or peers?
Thanks for replying ...I am not a student anymore I should have completed my internship a year ago but I didn't. I did go to my psychology professor at the start of my internship for anxiety issues and suicidal thoughts ...I did get counsel from him for about a 3 weeks then I stopped going I didn't know at that time I would go into this rabbit hole I created for myself. My parents are more than understanding but that just makes it much more difficult it will feel like I am taking advantage of them though I still am by lying to them. Even if I tell my parents problem is not with my immediate family ..see I live in India and my cousins are all doctors (8) that's why my parents wanted me to be (prestige) ...my parents are understanding but my cousins are not since I can't express my emotions they always think me as very cold hearted they will come barraging down on me as soon as they will hear about it . Thanks I won't take much of your time I decided to s. but I realised it will be much more heartbreaking for them when they realise I have been lying after I am gone which eventually they will. I don't know what to do I am totally confused I just want to take them somewhere far away from my family but they won't go I know. Thanks again
@shyCup3714
Hey,
I'm really, really sorry for the late reply on this - I lost track of this thread. My fault!
I'm glad to hear you had some kind of counselor to talk with. Do you think it would be possible to reconnect with this professor, and maybe update them with what you've experienced since your last conversation? I think it would really help to hear from this person, if you do have the means of connecting to them.
I can definitely understand what you mean when you say that. I know it can be hard to bring this up to your parents, even when they are so understanding, and I really am sorry. Have you spoken to them lately?
Hay. We are human beings. If ur happy doing something do it. Yeah, it will break someone's heart. I did same what you have done. But I followed my heart and I faced a hell lot of problems but I know it is normal. Not many follow their heart and take pride. Well, you should speak the truth at right time
