Mother's day depression
Most of us have suffered some form of abuse from our parents. Some more than others, I'm not discounting any one here.
So let me tell you my story.
My mom use to attempt "suicide" almost on a yearly basis since I was around 12 years old. (And the reason why "suicide" is written like that is because she did it for attention, she was never really serious about it.)
Throughout most of my teenage years I went through tremendous emotional abuse. Often leading into physical abuse. There were days where I wasn't allowed privacy or allowed food. My life was threatened more than once.
In my late teens I was subjected to a lot of pressure from my mother who wanted to mold me into herself. I was never good enough for her, always the black sheep in my family. My grades were not good enough, so I was always a convo starter: "Yeah my daughter is so dumb, I have to pay for extra classes." or "Yeah she failed again, I don't understand why she can't be like her sister."
Back in those times I was in manic depression, ready to snap at any given moment. Until I started with University, and I thought I had freedom.
It only got worse and worse, day after day the abuse just got worse. The amount of trauma I have from my younger years is scary.
But then came the fateful day, my own mother held us hostage for three hours (after we tried fleeing when she went manic, with a lot of aggressive behaviour)
She use to stalk me, use to show up at my work and University. She would not stop her attacks. She eventually assaulted my sister, and that was the last straw for me. She had assaulted me on numerous occasions and places.
But today (after trying for a few years to rebuild a relationship) she went manic again. Blamed a lot of things on my again, and I decided that I have had enough. This woman is not my mother, she has disowned me 5 times already.
This woman is not fit to be called a mother, not in my books.
I came to the conclusion that I have wonderful female rolemodels in my life already, who have been more of a mother to me. So Happy mother's day to those who actually care.
Happy Mother's day to all who nurture and care for others, who protect the frail.
Happy Mother's day to those who don't have a mother that they can share this day with.
Happy Mother's day to the Mother's who can't celebrate this day with their children.
We are not alone, even with our trauma, there are people in this world who truly care about us.
Hey @disappointedpenguin, *sits with you and offers hugs* I'm sorry for the abuse and trauma your mother put you through, it's unfortunate really :/ and nobody deserves to be treated this way, specially not by their mothers/ an otherwise caring/ guardian-like figure.
I'm so proud of you for recognizing the toxic patterns and deciding the "done-with" feeling, having gone through so much feeling done now is more than valid. You're certainly allowed to feel the love, care, warmth and have some one to look upto as a female rolemodel and it is completely okay for this person to not be your mother. Your feelings are valid and you are allowed to feel and think as you do. I'm glad you shared with us, hoping this helped you feel a little lighter. ❤
I like the idea of celebrating not just one (biological mothers) but rather anyone and everyone who is a motherly figure to us, and who we think of fitting for this special day and honor. Thankyou for sweet message. ❤
Sending strength and love your way.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom died a month ago. 10 months ago she found out she had cervical cancer so she went through chemo and radiation and had to get tubes down her back to drain her kidneys. She got rid of the cancer in her cervical but it had spread to her liver. There was nothing they could do at this point. My mom moved from Pineville nc to Savanah GA a year prior to her finding out so to ho visit was a 4 hour drive.
Me and my mom did nit have the best relationship. We both did things we regretted and looking back now I wish I could tell her I'm sorry about the way I acted. I was in GA at the hospital when she passed which was a bit sudden.
I'm sad and depressed that she is gone especially with this being my first mother's day without her. I feel so guilty about the way I acted throughout my life with her. I'm angry that she was taken from me.
@disappointedpenguin wow , its really sad to see , how much you went throughout ur life , well you needed was ur mother’s love and affection …. But its really commendable how positive u thought and how u took inspiration from ur role models …. Its really good to see , the strength u showed here , to stay positive and progress in your life …. My best wishes for your future
I have two kids under five years old and they are very different. I should never say this but I prefer my youngest. I never had much tolerance for kids and everyone said “it’s different when they’re your own”. I think it’s probably worse. The responsibility is overwhelming and it’s so hard not to be able to clock out from the work. I’m actually on here seeking help because I find it hard to regulate my emotions as a mother. Kids know exactly how to push your buttons and naturally do so as part of their growth. They need to test limits to see where the boundaries are. Everything my kids do is totally normal kid stuff but me…I explode over spilled milk or something petty. I don’t hit my kids but the firm arm grab, condescending statements and constant cursing is affecting my daughter. I feel so guilty and apologize but then lay in bed awake most of the night thinking that I was never cut out to be a Mom. I love my children and fear anything happening to them. That fear and my own insecurities have turned into angry outburst that leave me exhausted and sad. I’ve been depressed in the past but never as a mom. After reading this story I can’t help but to think that this could be my future if I don’t seek help. My own mom and I have an ok relationship now but I hated her as a teen and always felt like we didn’t have a strong connection compared to other mothers and daughters. I’m so glad that you are aware and able to talk about your experience. If you become a mother yourself, I hope you can break the chain. I unfortunately feel like some damaging behaviors are passed down. I never thought that I had it in me to be unkind to my own children but after sleep deprivation, no self love or self care, here I am.
