My experience

Hello everyone I have always felt a little bit different than everyone. I have always felt a level of sadness even when everything is okay. When everything isn’t okay I feel worse. I was in elementary school when I first cut myself. I was in 4th grade and almost slit my wrist with a razor from a sharpener. No one saw or knew this and my family still doesn’t really know this. I’ve grown up with many thoughts of suicide and some times where I thought I might actually do it. Throughout all of high school I was a pretty “popular” person i guess you could say. I conversated with a lot of people and I was into sports but no one knew how I was really feeling. I am someone that’s great at hiding their emotions and even better at pushing bad thoughts away but they always come back. In high school I was very sad deep down and my life wasn’t easy I grew up through many hardships and family deaths etc. I always have thought everyone I know would excel without my presence. I still think that a lot till this day. It wasn’t until college that I had enough told my mom I think depression hoping she would help me get treatment. She slapped me in the face and said how can I be so weak-minded? I was in shock I still kind of don’t know how to feel about it and this happened two years ago. There have been times where it feels like. life is okay but then it just goes back to being terrible all the time. I don’t know how to keep going. It’s just been so tiring.