My mother continues to mess up her healthcare
Hey everyone.
I write a lot about my mother. I love her and care for her but she just keeps making these very dumb choices with her healthcare.
She hates her medicines, her doctors, and recently made the choice to ditch her doctor and get a new one after the enrollment periods were closed. I only just managed to get her to stay with her former doctor long enough to get refills for her prescriptions so she could make it till she saw her new doctor but she's just told me that the new doctor is all booked up till May. Now she refuses to try and make an appointment at all, especially since she can't get refills for any of her medications until she's seen, specifically the blood pressure med she's going to run out of in three weeks.
I know that she's her own person, that she's an adult, but it frightens me that she keeps doing this stuff. She believed that she could just stop taking her blood pressure medication or wouldn't have to take it forever, but I had to explain to her that she'd likely have to keep taking it. That she could try to make lifestyle changes and might get to lower the amount she takes, but only if the doctor said it was okay.
When I spoke to her yesterday I walked her through various things she was going to have to do.
Making a damn appointment with her new doctor so she will be seen at some point because she's already told me that she's waited long enough for May to not even be an option anymore.
Speaking to her pharmacist because she said they might be able to help her get emergency refills.
Flipping through the pages of her medi-cal or medicare booklet to find another doctor that is both closer to her and might have an opening for the medication refills.
Calling a nearby clinic she used to go to and seeing if she can get the prescription through there.
I've given her a two week deadline so she'll have almost one week of medicine left. I'm not hopeful. I'm just tired because she keeps springing these things on me, then tells me not to tell anyone else like my older sister.
I could feel your frustration as I was reading this. You can lead a horse to water, but...you know the rest. I've been trying to lead my Mom to taking her schizophrenia meds, but she refuses and never gets better. It's hard to watch someone you love struggle with health and not get better. If only they would this. If only they would that. They could have a better quality of life. It's extra hard if you're trying to help a parent with their health because the roles are reversed as our parents age. Many of them shrug off the doctor and just put up with health issues or in my Mom's case, won't even acknowledge them.
@SweetPea321
Im sorry about your mom.
Mine is just a strange combination of stubborn and something I’m still struggling to find the right word for. One part childish and another part
Aww, well hopefully your mom listens to you and gets into the doctor soon so she can get her meds.
@SweetPea321
…
another part where my mother willfully says something about death, not that she notices at this moment how the death of my father is causing me to stress over her health and we’ll being even more.
Sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace. My parents are elder and I worry about them too. Especially with my Dad having cancer. We're hopeful he's going to beat it because they caught it early.
@SweetPea321
Thanks.
@integrityblues
I can understand your frustration ...i too have someone in my life that just drags their feet, they have to change doctors but thy have not called or inquired til NOW and they ARE running out of meds.
in this case and perhaps your moms too if they have access to he records and with electronic record many can find access to read if NO appointment is available for months, sometimes with a online visit or phone call they MAY be able to extend critical prescriptions until a visit is available.
@toughTiger6481
Thanks. Unfortunately since it will be her very first time seeing this doctor electronic or phone appointments aren’t even offered, even though she’s running out
I know your mother is so frustrating. You are really doing the best that you can with her. If need be guilt trip her by saying that you don't want to lose her (I am guessing that you probably do this).
Also keep caring for you. What are you doing to make things smoother in your own life? You work very hard at it, I know. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
After speaking to her about the only other option my aunt and I could think of, she made it clear that she didn't want to pay her insurance fee to go to the ER. So I told her that she'd have to make an appointment with her new doctor even if it was going to take awhile, just to have the appointment ready. She ended up speaking with the actual doctor and got an appointment for March, but no chance of getting meds still. Now I urged her to call the local clinic for another appointment to get her meds and talk to her pharmacist in case she can get an emergency supply.
It has been extremely hard. I did tell her how this has made me feel, that it's very stressful and I worry, but I've tried to not make it clear that I'm even more focused on her health since my dad passed.
I'm not really doing much to make things smoother, exactly. I'm trying to cook more and clean in stages, but I'm not getting much done.
The insurance angle is a good one. She is going to want to do things as cheaply as possible. You are doing good work.
You are actually doing good stuff for you too. You just need to change how you talk to yourself about it. Every time that you clean something or cook, it is a victory. If it isn't as much as you usually do, so what? It still matters. Beating yourself up rather than holding yourself up makes things even harder. You are doing something. Focus on praise. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
That's true. It's just hard because I have high expectations of myself. Like, I used to be able to do everything, no sweat.
My mother got her medicine and it was within the first week of the two week deadline I made for her, but now I'm handling her new view on her blood pressure medicine being poison. Apparently she went on the internet and read what other people had to say about it, none of it reputable I'm sure.
I had to have a careful discussion with her about her apparently being on the lowest dosage already, and that the doctors wouldn't prescribe it to her if the benefits outweighed any risks. From what I can tell, she's taking it and dealing with it.
I'll have to continue to try and be nicer to myself. Thanks, bestVase
Comparing yourself to what you used to be able to do is always a dangerous path. You may eventually get yourself to that point again, but it is okay if you don't. As soon as you start beating yourself up you become less able to do stuff because you are using that energy against yourself.
I totally get your frustration with your mom. I too wish it was easier to convince relatives to listen sometimes. My current frustration is with my sister who let my mom drive on their vacation together after I asked that she not do that. My mom gets lost easily and isn't driving very well. So my mom had a mini accident yesterday. Maybe next time my sister will rent a car that is big enough. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
I'm sorry about your mother's accident.
I just saw my mother during a family get together. She and my other aunt had tried to see how my younger sister is doing, but they hadn't been able to. They went back to check again after lunch was over and apparently saw her! My mom isn't answering her phone, so I'm a little worried, but its also good that they were able to see her at all.
It is good that they were able to see her and maybe talk a bit. Hopefully you will find out the details soon.
@bestVase7265
Its not good with my sister. Her ex is in jail now, and some of the guys at the shelter who really liked him and hate my sister have begun to hurt her- recently one of them took a bottle of soda and hit her in the back of the head with it. My mom went on and on about how bloodshot my sister's eye was, but I have no idea if the two events are connected.
Her dog was bitten by one of the pit bulls kept by another person at the shelter, and she took her dog away to a friend's house to get him out. She might be picking him up today, but my mother didn't say anything about the dog getting any care for the bite or how bad the bite was in the first place.
None of it looks good. But the one good thing is that my aunt was able to give my sister the new phone that's on her personal plan so she can still remain in contact and make calls when she needs too considering that the shelter had removed the television and phone from her room and the cellphone she had been using before was borrowed from someone else.
I was exhausted and frustrated last night but couldn't sleep, so I tried to take my attention off of how my sister wasn't answering my text to her new phone yet.
I managed to write 903 words before midnight, then went to sleep.
The beginning and the end of your message was the best part. At least her ex is in jail for a bit. Things might eventually calm down if he is out of the picture. And you managed to get some writing done. That is solid work.
I can understand completely why you are worried at this point. But you also know what is true with your mom is true with your sister - they are the major authors of what is happening. You are just there to be as supportive as you can be. You are doing that. That is enough even when it doesn't feel like it. @integrityblues
