Nothing good ever happens to me
I have been diagnosed of anxiety before but never with depression. Just wanted to share what I have been feeling lately as ot feels like I'm going through depression. Can someone help me figure out?
I was bullied as a kid. I am ugly, practically blind and socially awkward.
Thought I had made a decent life for myself despite everything. Got a decent job and got married.
But now I have no relationship with my husband. Although we stay under the same roof we hardly speak. Had my son after 6 traumatizing miscarriages. I love my son, but unable to raise him with all this negatively around me.
I don't make half as much as some of my peers and coworkers do. I keep getting rejected at interviews and dont have the skill set that jobs look for these days. I keep comparing my live with others which doesn't help either. I have no friends, and family lives in a different country. I haven't been happy in a long time. Just nothing is good. Yet I have to continue living for my son.
I cry myself to sleep everyday and hVe no one share all this with. Will it ever get better?
Hey, it will get better. Don’t give up, I am sure you’re a truly beautiful person. Have you tried to talk with you husband about your feelings?
Something that I try to do is remind myself to live my life for myself, not anyone else. I get that way a lot of times, and I know it's bad when I start thinking that I need to keep going only for my children.
Take some time for self care maybe. Get some nice bath things and take a bath. Or treat yourself to a hot shower and don't feel bad about using up all the hot water.
When things get weird with my husband, which they do, sometimes I can express my feelings better in writing. Try writing him a letter saying how you feel.
And about comparing your life to others, that's a hard one, but remember their lives are their own and yours is yours, and a lot of times their lives are only shiny on the surface.
It does get better. I grew up thinking I was going to committ suicide before I finished high-school. Then I thought I wasn't to make it past 21. But now I'm 23. I'm still young and I haven't been through as much as others, but I have depression that comes with suicidal ideations. I kept finding reasons to live and enjoy life. It's a constant battle and it's not fun on most days. But everytime I get low, I think about those things, moments, and/or people that unknowingly carried me to this moment. Then I think about all the future things, moments, and/or people I will miss out on if I end it.
When I got to those lows, I would subconsciously isolate myself and push people away, self-sabotaging my relationships and friendships. I'm not saying it is, but could it be what you're subconsciously doing? When you feel ready to, maybe try opening up to your husband and see if he'll support you. He fell in love with you right? Hopefully that love is there deep down and he doesn't want to see you hurt yourself.
