One relationship in my life that makes me sad is......

Every relationship I half-hade due to my incapacity to get deep relationships with others (even my family, I care for them but I can't get feelings for them).

The relationship between me and my Nana because she tries really hard to make a connection like she has with my older sisters but we never seemed to click. I suppose its my fault but I don

Hayatımdaki kimseye değer veremiyorum. Kimseyi hayatıma alamıyorum. Çok istiyorum ama yapamıyorum. Mücadele etmekten korkuyorum, savaşıp ta kaybetmekten korkuyorum bu yüzden savaş meydanını terk ediyorum. Beni seven insanları üzüyorum. Ben kendimi sevemiyorken daha başka birinin bana değer vermesi inandırıcı gelmiyor. Değersiz hissediyorum . Yaptığım her hareket için kendimi suçluyorum keşke böyle yapmasaydım keşke böyle söylemeseydim böyle davranmasaydım diyorum sonra da kendimi yiyip bitiriyorum

My relationship with my husband, I've done horrible things towards him when I first married him, I didn't love him, I used him to get away from my abusive controlling family. I didn't realize at the time I had some serious mental issues, and I thought I was always right. I cheated on him once before our wedding and then two months into our marriage with his brother. I ruined thier relationship, I broke this family at the heart. And I live with the consequences, I see the pain and hurt I caused and all I can do is cry, and support my husband. He now suffers from ptsd, anxiety and depression. And when he cries I just cry too because if I only could go back and change what I have done to make things right before any wrong was done I would. But I cant. And we're still hanging on and I live him madly, and he for some crazy reason I don't know why, still chooses me and our family, I know I'm trash for what I've done. I can't explain unconditional love but I know I have it and definitely don't deserve it.

Myself. Not being able to love myself enough to let go of my scars tortures my life. Being born into a nightmare that no one could have seen coming holds me back in life in every aspect it seems, most days. Being dropped off at that cold, local Child Protective Services office like a piece of litter from your car at the tender age of 7 years old. Being torn apart from 2 of your 4 siblings and going into that first foster home, being introduced to even more neglect and abuse, wishing you could grab your siblings and run back home to chance just be sold for a quick fix for your dad. Or maybe to just be neglected by your mother for a different man, but it would be worth it to just have back what you are familiar with. A few months later, give or take, your prayers are answered- Your maternal grandparents are taking you home and reuniting you with your siblings. Things are looking hopeful when the judge grants those adults custody of all 5 of you. You are no longer going to be walking thru the door of a strangers home, laying your head on a strangers pillow at night wondering if youre siblings are keeping strong while you yourself are crumbling at the hands of monsters. Unfortunately, thats a lie. You were born into this family who now keeps you, but they in fact ARE strangers. They are hitting you harder than the strangers did, they are throwing cold pitchers of ice water on you as you stand over the cold blowing vent of their trailer you call home. Your siblings are not keeping strong while you crumble, they are shattered. You are walking in and out of a strangers home every single day. You can run away, you can defend yourself and fight back, you can tell your teacher and CPS and the courts, but you will never escape living life in a strangers home. Years later you are right back in that cold, local Child Protective Services offices hands. Now you get to live on a property housing multiple angels who somehow chose the wrong parents. You are torn apart from 3 siblings now, but you remain with one. That one that you couldnt save from her new monsters in that house only 2 houses down from yours. Shes gone now in a different city because she didnt stay quiet. Shes walking thru some new doors and all you can do is pray, but now you have to stand up and fight as soon as you get up from your knees. Days suddenly become blurs, eventually even hours become blurs. Any and all court trials, CASA meetings, therapy sessions you ever had your whole life, its all a huge blur with no details remembered. Youre main focus is on getting that one back, or getting back to that one. You are now walking thru the same doors she did a few months ago, you are reunited and now 13 years later you dont even know how that happened. Everything has become a blur and youre still fighting at 27 years old even though internally you dont know what for. Its a hell of a relationship.

I ruined a perfectly loving and nurturing frienship because of my own insecurites and living in a an environment where dysfunctinal seemed to be normal.

My father.

My relationship with my dad makes me sad sometimes. It is not everything i want. The process of accepting that he can't or won't change was a long and difficult road. But I'm there, even though it still makes me sad sometimes.

My relationship with my mother. She is bipolar type II and won

My mum because I owe her everything but cant give her anything