One thing I feel sad about right now is....

I feel hopeless, like I'm never going to be happy so I shouldn't even bother trying any more.

I think about the time i was with my ex and how he mentally, phyiscally and emotionally abused me.

There's several things that I feel sad about...one of them is pushing away a potential girlfriend because of my own insecurities, I unintentionally scared her and creeped her out and this led to her along with a group of people to side with her, those people now hate my guts after I tried to explain my side of the story through a private YouTube video. I will never ever be forgiven by her, and it sucks so much because I really liked her more than a friend yet I got strung along at the same time, got mad about the fact that she flirted with other guys yet told me she really liked me, then told me that we're nothing. I shouldn't of yelled at her but she played dumb and denied flirting with other guys. I know I was in the wrong for it all, I should've told her how concerned I was immediately and not let it stew over, shouldn't of gotten angry with her and called her a liar. I made her feel uncomfortable and it's all my fault, I felt like the tables were turned. This happened yesterday as well. I was viewed by this girl as a creep because I admitted to analysing her body language and made little notes about it, and that when I yelled at her that she was a liar, I said I had screenshots that were in public domain because they were publically posted on a discord server, etc. In her perspective I was a creep because I made a private YouTube video explaining my side of the story to do with the situation between me and her. And because she was an admin of a discord server, she and her friends sided with eachother to ban me. I realized what I did wrong, I made her feel uncomfortable due to my insecurities, when I shouldn't of..I regret it. I was originally trying to get other staff involved, but then again she didn't like anyone knowing about us because of social phobia apparently, etc. I just saw it as excuses after excuses. I understand where I messed up but at the same time I don't think I am completely in the wrong.

But obviously I have to do what I can to forget about that particular matter. As for everything else, it's crappy...I pushed away all my friends, I literally only had one friend remaining and pushed him away, he hates me because I wanted to cut ties over a promise he made to work on his music project that took a year for him to get back to me, I said some things that I should've worded differently but I was way too blunt with him than I should of been. So, now I'm stuck wallowing in my sadness from dealing with the sheer pain of loneliness. I admit I'm an idiot and that I have made mistakes but sometimes I feel that the mistakes I make aren't always my fault. One thing that I do know is that I'm not good with my emotions, having anixety and depression and dealing with loneliness is a pain in the backside. I think that even if I was to turn back time the situation with the girl could've been handled differently in a more gentleman-like way but I don't think I would've been in an exclusive relationship with her to begin with, because she came across like she did not want one. I'm hated by alot of people. I've pretty much lost my job and I am hunting for new jobs, my original PC that I used to write my cv on had some problems with the wifi so that's getting fixed. So, I'm basically screwed if it doesn't get fixed. I paid alot of money for that laptop..

I know I'm clearly not ready for relationships or anything, but there comes a time ya know? I wish I could improve myself in regards to how I communicate with others because I don't neccessarily see myself as a good communicator, and I let emotions get the best of me all the time. I should be a man about it, but I just don't know how. The only things that I've been doing to work on myself which I've been doing at the moment is halfway through making a cv and eventually applying for a job that I will need to take on, on top of that I've also been visiting my CBT therapist regularly, making sure that I go to the gym a couple times a week and maintaining a healthy diet, keeping a food diary.

I'm so depressed and I can't talk to my mom or anyone else

One thing I feel sad about right now is feeling as though I dont have a best friend. Feeling as though there is not a single person on this entire planet who truly understands me. I feel as though Im falling farther and farther down the rabbit hole but cant talk about this to anyone.

I'm in the midst of alot of changes, I don't have alot pf external social support....

I was so happy to find such a wonderful resource and community here at 7 Cups...and still am....

Was feeling shaky/sad today and connected to a nee Listener....who called me a f***ing idiot....yikes! Wherr do I go from here?

It

I'm a burden to the people who love me. They hurt because I'm in pain. All I can do is hide it and pretend everything is fine. I'm worthless and I hate myself.

I have stopped hoping for friends. I think the only way to gwt by now is hide and make sure I can somehow provide for myself. It's too painful to think I'm connecting to people and then realize I'm not.

my crush isn't texting me back