One way my depression is impacting my daily life is....

I continually second guess myself and procrastinate on approaching people to ask them on a date or if they would be interested in my company

It's getting harder and harder to get up from bed every morning, harder to find joy in the things that used to make me elastic, harder to laugh, harder to eat and draw, it's fuckin hard to cry when I really want to, it's even hard to care and take action when I know I'm getting worse as days go by. Only reason I get up is to feed my coffee addiction, if coffee and my mother didn't exist, I'd be dead years ago. Yet, the will to live is dying out more everyday, not even my so-called savior therapist is any use to me. Id hope everyday when I'll go to sleep, to never wake up, vanish and those who knew me forget instantly that I ever existed. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can't take this shit depression any longer.

I just cant do anything anymore

It makes me feel worthless to everyone I've ever known. Make me feel like I'm not being loved. Or have a PURPOSE to the point where I want to run away from these problems I have mentally.

It tries to break me down when I feel so empty.

But I don't want to give that up. I know I don't want to give that up.

We're all strong, and I know we can go through this together.

Depression may be a demon we're all fighting.

But we'll fight away that demon soon.

I feel that I can't move forward..

It keeps me from interacting with people the way, I guess, I should. It keeps me from even wanting to connect with people. It makes me feel worthless, cripples me in the workplace, and hides my sense of purpose from me. It taunts me always with the notion of rest: "It would be so much better if I could just abandon my work and friends and go to sleep, no?" Not really, I sleep, but I never feel rested. "How about if I disappeared forever? I am so weak and tired...I must find rest." No, I have responsibilities, things I want and must do in life...

On good days, though, when the clouds part even a little, my depression gives me a sense of self. I firmly believe at this point that it's an obstacle the gods or nature or whoever put before me to prevent me becoming too powerful. On the good days, I look over everything I've done, big and small things, despite depression, and I feel compelled to keep moving (:

It

I...hate myself anymore. I don't see any good in me. yea I've had a few "good" days but they've been destoryed by life. I got a job great right? Yea I had to end the assignment after day one becuase I couldn't work with it. 10+ hours standing in one spot and they expected us to work 6+ hours without a break not even a 15 min break. So it didn't fit me at all. So after taxes I might've made 80 bucks? Thats it. Most of that has to go into savings and my car upkeep (gas and the like) and im back to square one. I can't even afford my own fucking groceries! I live at home with my father. I'm 24 years old! 24! I have had ONE relationship and you know what happened during that? I was raped. By the man that claimed to "love me" but he abused me and assaulted me when I couldn't fight back or even say NO! He didn't care that he got me pregnant and he cared even less when I miscarried. And the only other chance I had at love was squashed because of housing. I fell in love with him over the course of 4 years. He was the first man that I let touch me after the assaults. And it was amazing and I felt wanted and truly cared for. And now I feel like I've lost all the chances I could have. He lives in a different state that yea I'm moving to but he may not want to be around me then what? What do I do then? nothing because I never want him to hurt too. and to top it all off, I have PCOS, which for those unknowing of it. it can cause me to never be able to have kids. my periods never come normally now and its getting worse. I've possibly lost the one thing I had left that I wanted so badly. To be able to carry a child myself my own child at that. And its just adding to the hate I feel. I hate myself more and more every single day because I have nothing.

I can't even keep a job! I can't make any money and my car is held together basically by a bandaid and thus means I can't drive very far if at all half the time! I just....I wish for once things would go right and stay right not turn worse....

I can't remember anything.

I can't seem to be happy about anything.

I can't stop thinking about death.

I don't like life.

It interferes with my personal relationship at home and my work relationships and stops me from doing anything I dont want to get out of bed I cant do my simple day to day tasks just constantly dreading the next second