Relationship and depression

@goodSquare3606 I'm sorry you're struggling right now, and glad you are seeking help. Depression definitely affects relationships and makes it difficult to be interested in anything, including people.

The closest experience I have was hating my job when I was depressed, and almost quitting. My doctor told me not to make any life-altering decisions while I was starting to get help with depression. So that's probably true about relationships, too. Try not to make any decisions until some of the fog of depression is lifted. Having a supportive relationship is worth fighting for, even if it's not easy.

I know what you mean about not being able to smile, and how you feel like you can't give her what she needs. But as small actions can help you improve your depression, small actions can nurture a relationship, too. Like giving a compliment or engaging in an activity you can do together that doesn't take too much energy. (Or even better, something that gives you energy and releases endorphins, like going for walks together.)

@goodSquare3606 As someone who is currently going through an extremely similar situation but from the other side, do not give up. If they show no signs of giving up on you, it means they believe in you. They believe you will get back on your feet. They do love you. Even when you don't love yourself or think that you are worthy of love. Take things slow, even when you don't feel lovey-dovey just maybe talking slow and soft will help you sort your feelings out.

My man (or woman/non-binary), @goodSquare3606. I can't give you advice, and I wouldn't ever claim to be qualified to, but let me put this in a frame of my perspective for you. Cool? :)

Firstly, I haven't been where you are now. Nobody has. No matter how many people tell you what you should do, or that they've been there, your suffering is your own. Nobody can know it better than you and that, my friend, is so critical to how you get better (and you will). I have, however, been adjacent to where you are now (depressed and in a relationship with a supportive partner).

Secondly, what I see right now, is a compassionate, unique, concerned individual calling out for help. If nothing else, you care about your girlfriend. That right there is enough to justify taking some time to think about the options you have. But you knew that, that's why you're here! Your words suggest that you want to save her from your darker side. You don't want to squash her brighter influence by subjecting her to what you believe is a miserable life.

I get that. I wanted to do the same thing. And I did. Here's what happened to me when I did it:

I left her. She suffered anyway. I gained tons of weight. Lost my job. Wasted valuable time for growth, and ultimately, only hurt more in her absence. Guess what? She recovered, met a wonderful man who welcomed her support, and they've been dating ever since. For years now.

Now, I'm not saying that's what will happen to you, I had a lot of stuff going on and everyone is different. What I am saying, is that you have identified a part of your support network. While I can't give advice, I would say that objectively speaking, having more members in your support network is a great resource on your journey to feeling more like yourself.

Thirdly, let's talk love, fam. Love is a convenient way of describing the law of biological attraction. Your brain releases heavy doses of feel-good chemicals (like oxytocin) when you "fall" for someone in order to drive you closer to them. Our Hallmark understanding of true love doesn't really exist. BUT pair-bonding does. It is a common phenomenon in mammals. It is more conveniently expressed in the Rick and Morty formula of Pair Bonding = familiarity/time.

Meaning, the more time you spend together, the stronger (theoretically) the bond becomes. It is healthy to nip thoughts about "love" in the bud. Why? Because you only ever need to concern yourself with two things: Is the value this person brings to your life positive, and do you wish positivity for them? Often, the human mind

If you answered "Yes" to both, chances are the relationship itself is healthy (again, only you can make that choice).

If you are concerned that you are bringing negativity into her life, try to understand it from her point of view. She is deciding to stand by you because she has determined that you bring her a level of happiness that she would rather maintain. Even if, right now, things may not be "perfect" they rarely ever are. Relationships and bonding are complex subjects, but if you care about someone, they're worth fighting for in times of darkness. She knows this, too.

Lastly, finding the root of your newfound depression might be a great place to start, regardless of what you decide about your support network. Maybe discuss with your therapist the first times you noticed how you felt, how you feel at various times of the day, what your job satisfaction is like, what your level of personal fulfillment is, what hobbies you enjoy/used to enjoy. I read Man's Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl when I was in my lowest pit of despair. I gained perspective, tools, and knowledge from this great man's experiences. If reading's not your thing, there are a number of great personality tests to generalize your wants/needs as well as career interest assessments that could help point you to where you need to be.

Ultimately, my man (or other), you are never alone. 7 Cups is here. Your Therapist is here. Your Girlfriend is here. I'm here. We are your support network. We are your lifeline, fam. And I gotta tell ya, you're brave as hell out there drowning in that sea of despair, and you've got tons of people who were out there once (some with a toe still dipped in) who are ready to throw a hand out when you ask.

This place, it's special. We haven't met and we probably never will, but we might as well be close friends. Depression never stood a chance.

P.S. Sorry this is so long, and I don't know your taste in music, but "Dead and Gone" by State Champs is a wicked good song for those bad moods!