Tired
I've been dealing with depression for a while. My family didn't believe children could be depressed so I was never diagnosed until I went to college. I was never put on medication even though my therapist advised me to. I just wanted to try other methods first. Going to my therapist and group therapy sessions every week helped alot. I started opening up to my love ones more, keeping things bottled up less. It took awhile but I started to realize that I mattered. My thoughts, feelings, opinions mattered. I didn't have to constantly be there for everyone else before myself. I could just love me and be my own number one. But then life happened. My therapist had to move, my best friend (of 20 years) and I got into a really bad fight and are no longer talking, my family started falling apart, I had to quit my job that I loved. It was too many things horrible things happening back to back. I've fallen right back into old habits. Only now it's worst because I feel like so many people depend on me and I just feel lacking. Like I'm not enough. Like I'll never be enough no matter how hard I try. I just keep messing up. And I feel as if that dark empty insufferable hole I've spent so long trying to escape is just drowning me over and over again. I'm so tired all the time. I just want to curl in a ball and not talk or think or see anyone. Just for awhile but I know if I do that it'll be so hard to come back. But I'm hurting and I don't feel safe or free to talk to anyone about it. I was hoping writing it down would make me feel better but now I just feel even more exhausted.
It's hard trying to pull out of it. I've fought with it for decades.. You can do it though. Just try to remember that there was a time that you did feel good, and that you can have those good feelings again.
I empathize with you. I also grew up where depression was seen as a crutch and not real. I don’t have any life advice for your situation. But we are here for you.
@fearlessSpring5657
Hello Spring, I'm so sorry that you had to experience those things. It's hard when family doesn't understand or believe in depression. It makes it harder. I understand not wanting to open up to your family because feeling unsafe and insecure to do so. College can be hard. I'm glad therapy was helping until your therapist move. I know it's hard when happens especially when you've developed trust with that person. The fight is understandable and I know it hurts especially since it was your best friend for 20 years. I'm sorry that you're family started falling apart and then you felt the same way all over again. Even if you feel you're not enough you are. You need to take care of yourself first. Your mental health is more important right now. I understand feeling like you need to be there for other people but you come first and foremost. I know depression isn't easy. And maybe medication is a good idea. Have you tried it? If so, Did it help? I would suggest the self help guide on 7 cups for depression. And also talking to listeners on the adult side. I know it's not easy to open up to complete strangers but I'm glad you trust us enough to do so. I would also suggest trying to distract yourself for the time being. Using coping skills whatever helps you feel better. I know sometimes they don't help. But you need to do it consistenly for it to work. I hope this helps you feel better about yourself. I hope you know that we care about you and your feelings are valid. I hope you have a good day/night. Please take care of your mental health and stay safe. ❤️
I am going through something similar. I'm telling myself I am good enough. I don't need to save the world. It is OK if the world is chaotic and I feel happy and calm. I don't have to be sucked in to the world all the time. It is OK for me to take care of me so I can feel good. I can later help others once I help myself. And then continue to help myself so I don't feel like a failure. We are huge success stories. Let us not forget that!