Turn back time

I've found myself wishing to be younger more and more lately. I don't think I've ever truly understood the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' until now. I wish I can go back to when I believed the world was good and full of magic. Back to when I believed that people were good. Back to when the only thing I had to worry about was making sure my room was cleaned before my mom got home from work. When did everything become so hard? I find myself constantly trying to escape reality. The only reason I haven't turned to drugs is because my job randomly tests for them, I haven't become an alcoholic because I can't stand being hungover and I can't turn to meaningless sex because I fall for anymore who is remotely nice to me. So I sleep. I sleep alot. Or I work. I work so much that I don't have the time to think about how the world has gone to complete and utter shit. I don't enjoy good days anymore because I know that is only temporary. See, life likes to toy with me. It gives me just enough good days to make me believe that things are getting better. And once I get into the, 'wow, things are actually looking up' mindset, she reminds me that I'm wrong. The person that things were going well with? Ghosted you. The promotion you wanted at work? Given to someone else. The friends who you thought were family? Abandon you. The only safe space you thought you had? Now it's gone. I sometimes wish I had the courage to end it. I'm sometimes envious of the people who go through with it. I do have people in my life that are crazy about me and love me so much. But, the emotional pain I feel day in and day out overpowers their love me and I hate that. Sorry for the rambling, it was just too much to keep in today.