Whatever the opposite of a love story is

So I recently started therapy, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I'm very thankful for having this. At request of my girlfriend about two months ago I started trying to find and see a therapist as a means of trying to save our relationship, because neither one of us was happy. This woman is the love of my life, and all I can think about is every way that I failed myself in the relationship, which as I think about it now I can point to depression in almost every instance for why I behaved in the manner that I did instead of the way I wanted to. Consequently our relationship did not last longer than a month more, because she kept wording things as an individual while I was trying to account for us in our future plans, so I pressed this on her and she said she was still in the relationship with me because she was trying, but after continuing to talk she admitted that she thinks we should be separated. We had been together for the past 3 years, at the beginning of 2020 we moved to Brazil together, she's Brazilian, then covid hit so we never left, but we couldn't go out and do anything, so my depression that I didn't even recognize I had got worse, and made our relationship no longer have any joy even though she kept trying. By the end of it she was tired of trying, and I simply wasn't trying regardless of how much I wanted to, I thought I would do anything for her and still feel like that but in reality I never did, but she won't let me blame myself for the outcome of our relationship. I started seeing a therapist in Brazil, and the day before I left the country she took me to a psychiatrist because everything is cheaper in Brazil I wanted to have Meds if I was actually diagnosed with depression, so she translated my conversation with the psychiatrist and ultimately I was diagnosed with depression. I moved in with my sister because even still I have yet to tell my parents that I'm back in the US, or any but 1 of my friends. The therapist I had in Brazil was being very coddling with me because of the breakup, which I'm not a fan of, so I mentioned that to him and he told me I should find a therapist in the US, ultimately I got Medicaid cause I have no income. And finally got a psychiatrist and therapist here. Turns out I've been depressed for like at least 5 years and I could only accept/recognize something was wrong me a couple months before my gf suggested I see a therapist. The entirety of my relationship with her I had been depressed and it makes a lot of sense when I think about the way I handled situations or thought about things that I don't agree with or think I would do, but did. I'm amazed that she fell in love with me when I was depressed, and is one of the only things that gives me solace is that if she fell in love with me when I was depressed and consequently a shitty boyfriend, maybe, hopefully I could get a second chance when I'm not and treat her the way I wanted to, the way I think she deserves, where I can actually express my love to her in more ways than just saying I love you. I'm not ready to let go of her, and idk if I'll ever actually want to, or do it, but I do know that I want to enjoy things again, that I want to work through this, because it has to work, I hate living this way, and I have no clue what I'm doing or how to cope or change my mental state. So I'd appreciate a friend that I could chat with, one who could tell me about their experiences in life that would be open to hearing about mine. I'm not sure if this app has DMs or not, but if you're interested in this exchange use them or respond and we can figure something out. Thanks for reading.